Beyond the Tambourine Lady: Understanding True Unity vs. Self-Centered Ministry

A few months ago, a woman showed up at our church on a Sunday morning. I'd never seen her before—she had no history with our community, no relationship with our team, no investment in what we were building together. But during the service, she approached one of our leaders with a simple request: "Can I play my tambourine?"

When asked if she could work with the worship team to make it flow with what they were doing, she never came back. Apparently, if she couldn't play her tambourine on her own terms, our church held no appeal for her.

This encounter might seem trivial, but it perfectly illustrates something I've been observing in charismatic circles for years: the difference between genuine spiritual expression and what I can only call "self-centered ministry."

The Tale of Two Tambourines

Contrast that first woman with another lady who joined our congregation. She also asked about playing tambourine, but her approach was completely different. When she made her request, she genuinely wanted to understand what it would look like and how it could serve the community.

She shared that she'd learned about spiritual tambourine ministry at Christ for the Nations, and when our leaders expressed interest in learning more, she brought materials to explain the biblical and spiritual significance. Most importantly, she asked to join the worship team rather than insisting on doing her own thing.

Here's the beautiful part: she has played tambourine during worship a few times, but when she sensed it wasn't flowing naturally, she didn't push. Instead, she found other ways to contribute—dancing with banners, bringing breakthrough through her worship expression. During one particularly powerful service, our pastor looked over at her and said, "Come on, Lori. Worship, worship," because everyone could feel the breakthrough she was bringing through her unified participation.

What made the difference? The heart behind the expression.

It's About Me vs. It's About Us

The first woman's approach screamed "It's about me!" Her tambourine wasn't an offering to serve the community—it was a demand for personal expression regardless of its impact on others. When she couldn't get her way immediately, she took her tambourine and went home.

The second woman's approach demonstrated "It's about us!" Her musical gifting was something she wanted to contribute to the body, not impose upon it. She was willing to learn, to wait, to serve, to find her place within the larger symphony God was orchestrating.

This distinction is crucial in understanding healthy spiritual community. Paul addressed this very issue when he wrote about spiritual gifts: "Since you are eager for gifts of the Spirit, try to excel in those that build up the church" (1 Corinthians 14:12, NIV).

Did you catch that? The goal of spiritual expression isn't personal gratification—it's building up the community.

The Danger of "It's All About Me" Spirituality

Unfortunately, much of what passes for charismatic ministry today has been infected with individualistic, self-serving spirituality. People show up to churches wanting to "release their gifts" without any regard for timing, context, or the health of the community.

I've seen this play out in countless ways:

• Prophetic people who interrupt services to share "words from God" that are really just their own thoughts

• Worship leaders who turn every song into a personal concert

• Teachers who use every opportunity to showcase their biblical knowledge rather than serve people's actual needs

• Leaders who call their personal agendas "moves of God"

What they call spiritual expression is often just spiritual narcissism. And here's the thing: it's actually deeply unspiritual because it prioritizes self over others, performance over genuine service.

How to Discern Between Genuine Calling and Personal Agenda

So how do we tell the difference between authentic spiritual gifting and self-centered performance? Here are some key indicators:

Genuine calling:

• Seeks to serve the community's needs

• Shows patience and flexibility with timing

• Respects existing leadership and structures

• Produces unity and building up

• Can receive feedback and correction gracefully

• Is willing to wait for proper integration

Personal agenda:

• Demands immediate expression regardless of context

• Shows impatience when asked to work within structures

• Bypasses or undermines existing leadership

• Produces disruption and division

• Reacts defensively to feedback

• Threatens to leave if demands aren't met

The fruit reveals the root. Jesus said, "By their fruit you will recognize them" (Matthew 7:16, NIV). Authentic spiritual gifts always produce the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV).

Building Trust Through Consistent, Honoring Behavior

One of the most beautiful aspects of watching Lori integrate into our worship community has been seeing how trust develops over time. She didn't demand immediate acceptance of her gifting. Instead, she demonstrated her heart through consistent, honoring behavior.

She showed up regularly. She served in small ways. She honored our leaders and their vision. She proved she could work as part of a team. When the opportunity came for her to contribute her unique gifting, everyone already knew her heart—and they could trust her to use her gifts for the community's benefit rather than her own gratification.

This is how healthy spiritual community develops. Not through people forcing their way in with demands and ultimatums, but through relationship, trust-building, and proven character over time.

Gregory has been a perfect example of this in our community. When he wanted to bring elements like the shofar, banners, or even a sword into our worship, he never just showed up with them. He always asked permission, waited for the right timing, and has consistently demonstrated such honoring behavior that our leaders completely trust his discernment.

The result? When Gregory feels led to blow the shofar or brings his staff, everyone recognizes it as a genuine move of Holy Spirit rather than a personal performance. His years of consistent, humble service have created a context where his unique contributions are welcomed and celebrated.

The Fruit of Authentic Community

When spiritual expression flows from genuine love for God and His people rather than personal need for attention, something beautiful happens. The community becomes a safe place where everyone can contribute their gifts without competition or self-promotion.

I've watched this transformation in our own church community. When people know their contributions will be honored rather than exploited, when they trust that leadership genuinely cares about their flourishing rather than just their compliance, when they experience the safety of authentic relationship—that's when the real gifts emerge.

It's the difference between a performance and a symphony. In a performance, individuals showcase their talents. In a symphony, everyone contributes their part to create something more beautiful than any individual could produce alone.

"From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work" (Ephesians 4:16, NIV).

An Invitation to True Unity

If you've been hurt by "tambourine lady" spirituality—whether from others or recognizing it in yourself—know that another way is possible. God's design for spiritual community isn't about individual expression but collective transformation. It's not about getting your way but finding your place in His beautiful symphony.

True spiritual gifting always serves others. It always builds up rather than tears down. It always seeks unity rather than demanding attention. And it always flows from love rather than need.

The next time you feel that stirring to contribute your gifts to a community, ask yourself: Am I seeking to serve, or to be served? Am I willing to wait, learn, and integrate with others? Am I prepared to let my gifting be shaped by the needs of the community rather than my personal desires?

The tambourine itself isn't the problem. The heart behind it makes all the difference.

Let all things be done decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40, NKJV)—not because God is a control freak, but because He knows that's how love flows most beautifully through His people.

Blessings,
Susan 😊