Looking for Gold in Difficult People: Why God Shows You Their Mess

Looking for Gold in Difficult People: Why God Shows You Their Mess 

That person who drives you absolutely crazy—you know the one. They're controlling, critical, or just plain difficult. Every interaction leaves you drained. You've tried to love them, but honestly? You're ready to write them off. 

But what if God is showing you their dysfunction not so you can judge them, but so you can rescue them? 

Mining for Treasure 

It's easy to walk into a gold mine and see the dirt and rocks. They're everywhere, right in plain sight. But miners aren't looking for dirt—they're looking for gold buried beneath the surface. 

People are the same way. We see their junk immediately—the arrogance, insecurity, anger, or manipulation. But God sees the gold underneath all that pain and pride, and He wants us to see it too. 

Most people don't even know how awesome they are in God's eyes, which is exactly why they feel so insecure. They're trying to meet their own needs through taking, controlling, or putting others down. But God is in the business of rescue, not condemnation. 

When He shows you someone's issues, it's so you can partner with Him in bringing that hidden treasure to the surface. 

Captives vs. Prisoners 

Here's something that changed how I see difficult people: there's a crucial difference between captives and prisoners. 

A captive is held in bondage illegally—they didn't do anything wrong. They might be believing a lie or struggling with unhealed wounds, but the enemy has no legitimate right to torment them. 

A prisoner opened a door through sin that gave the enemy legal access to their life. 

This distinction matters because the solution is different. A captive might need to release forgiveness. A prisoner might need to repent. 

When you're praying for that difficult person, ask God: "Are they a captive or a prisoner?" The answer will shape how you minister to them. 

Sympathy Is a Counterfeit 

When someone shares their struggles, your natural response might be sympathy: "Oh no! That's terrible!" 

But sympathy is actually a counterfeit of true compassion. Sympathy agrees with the problem and makes it feel bigger than God. Compassion feels the pain but reaches for the solution. 

When Jesus saw people in need, He felt their pain in His gut—but that compassion compelled Him to reach out and heal them, not just feel sorry for them. 

Don't lock people into their negative situations by agreeing with the problem. Love the person and agree with God's solution. 

Looking for the Right Kingdom 

If you're feeling judgmental toward someone, check yourself. Ask: "Am I looking for rocks and dirt, or am I looking for gold?" 

Condemnation and criticism come from the wrong kingdom—yes, even when you're "right" about their problems. The kingdom of darkness manifests through people, including Christians who think they're doing God's work by calling out sin. 

But God's kindness leads people to repentance, not our criticism. His heart is always healing and restoration. When we operate from His heart, people don't walk away feeling condemned—they walk away feeling seen, known, and loved. 

The Secret God Shows You 

Sometimes God will show you something specific about a person—their pain, their fear, their hidden dreams. But just because God shows you something doesn't mean you have the right to say it. 

Sometimes it's just a prayer assignment. Sometimes you need to ask questions that help them come to awareness themselves. 

And please—don't walk up to someone and say, "I see a black cloud around you." Instead, ask God why He's showing you that. Maybe He wants you to pray for breakthrough, offer encouragement, or provide practical help. 

You're looking for the gold, not calling out the dirt. 

The New Covenant Reality 

Here's something religion gets wrong: under the new covenant, everyone's sin is already forgiven. Jesus atoned once for all. The issue isn't whether God forgives them—it's whether they personally repent and appropriate that forgiveness. 

Our job isn't to convict people of sin. Holy Spirit does that. Our job is to show them the kindness of God that leads to repentance. 

When difficult people encounter God's love through you, they start to see themselves as He sees them—valuable, loved, and worth rescuing. And that revelation changes everything. 

Learning to see people through God's eyes is one of the safeguards I teach in my course on hearing His voice clearly. When we approach others with His heart rather than our judgment, we become partners in His rescue mission rather than obstacles to it. 

Blessings, 
Susan Dewbrew