The Reciprocal Life: How True Headship Creates Mutual Fullness
One of the most beautiful revelations in Scripture is hidden in plain sight in Ephesians 1:23, where Paul describes the church as Christ's body—"the fullness of him who fills everything in every way" (NIV). This isn't just poetic language; it's describing a reciprocal relationship that changes everything about how we understand headship, submission, and our identity in Christ.
The Mutual Filling
Here's what takes my breath away: The body is filled with life from the head, and the head is filled with life from the body. This isn't a one-way street where Christ pours into us and we just passively receive. It's a dynamic, reciprocal relationship where we actually contribute to His fullness.
Think about this: We are His fullness, and He fills us with His fullness. It's mutual. It's reciprocal. It's a dance of love between the head and the body.
The Trinity Model
This reciprocal relationship reflects the very nature of the Trinity. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit don't operate in a hierarchy where one dominates the others. They operate in perfect unity, each fully God, each contributing to the whole, each submitting to the others in mutual love and honor.
This trinitarian relationship serves as the model for all Kingdom relationships.
When we try to impose rigid hierarchies on relationships that God designed to be reciprocal, we actually distort the image of God that these relationships are meant to reflect.
The Cycle of Glory
Paul describes this beautiful cycle in his prayer for the Ephesians. He prays that we would know "the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people" (Ephesians 1:18, NIV).
Notice that—God's inheritance is IN us. How does God increase His inheritance? As we increase in glory. When we step into our full identity and calling, we don't diminish God's glory—we multiply it.
The Artist and the Masterpiece
Here's a profound truth: God gets glory from our completion, not our diminishment.
Where does an artist receive glory? From the finished masterpiece that displays the artist's skill and vision. God isn't glorified by keeping us as blank canvases or unfinished works. He's glorified when we become the masterpiece He designed us to be.
We return glory to Him through the completed work He accomplished in us.
The Overflow Principle
God didn't create the world out of lack—He created it out of abundance. He created the world out of the overflow of His love. This same principle operates in all Kingdom relationships.
Love poured out creates more love. As His love fills us, we return that love to Him—not from a distance as an audience watching Him perform, but as active participants in His life and work.
This creates a cycle of mutual abundance rather than scarcity.
The Wedding Metaphor
Scripture consistently uses marriage as a metaphor for our relationship with God. In healthy marriages, both partners contribute to the relationship and receive from it. Both are filled by the other's love, and both pour love back into the relationship.
This is the model for our relationship with Christ. We're not just recipients of His love—we're active participants in a mutual relationship of love and honor.
The Paracritic Relationship
I call this a "paracritic relationship"—describing mutual interdependence and reciprocal life-flow. We are actually invited into the dance with the Godhead.
We're not dogs coming to the family meal, hoping for scraps. We actually have a seat at the table as beloved children who contribute to the family dynamic.
The Fullness That Fills
Ephesians 1:23 says that the church is "the fullness of him who fills everything in every way" (NIV). This is mind-blowing: We are His fullness, and through us, He fills everything.
When we touch someone and release the Kingdom, we're releasing His love through us. When we bring healing, we're demonstrating that the King is in the room. We are the vessels through which He fills all things.
The Exponential Power
This reciprocal relationship creates exponential power. Jesus said we would do "greater works" than He did (John 14:12, NIV). How is this possible?
Because it's not just Him anymore—it's Him and me, and Him and you. Unity releases exponential power. When we function as His body in proper relationship with the head, we multiply His impact in the earth.
The Application to Human Relationships
This reciprocal model applies to all our relationships:
In Marriage:
Both spouses contribute their gifts and wisdom
Both lead in different areas based on their strengths
Both submit to each other out of love and honor
Both are filled by giving and receiving love
In Business:
Leaders serve by lifting others up
Team members contribute their unique gifts
Success flows from mutual empowerment
Everyone wins when everyone contributes
In Church:
Every member contributes to the body's health
Leadership facilitates rather than dominates
Gifts flow freely without hierarchical restrictions
Unity creates exponential Kingdom impact
The Broken Models
When we abandon this reciprocal model, we create broken relationships:
The Dictator Model: One person dominates while others just comply
The Martyr Model: One person gives everything while others just take
The Competitor Model: Everyone fights for position and power
The Victim Model: Everyone waits for someone else to make things happen
None of these models reflect the Trinity or create the mutual fullness God designed.
The Water Mill Principle
I love the image of a water mill. The water flows through the mill, turning the wheel, which creates energy and productivity. The water isn't diminished by flowing through the mill—it's channeled to create something powerful.
This is how Kingdom relationships work. God's love flows through us, creating energy and life that multiplies His impact while actually increasing our own fullness.
The Safety of Reciprocity
One of the beautiful aspects of reciprocal relationships is the safety they create. When both people are committed to the other's wellbeing, neither has to fear being used or abandoned.
This safety creates the space for authentic intimacy and vulnerability. When we know the other person is genuinely invested in our flourishing, we can open our hearts without fear.
The Responsibility Factor
Reciprocal relationships also create responsibility. If we are truly His fullness, then we have a responsibility to represent Him well. If we are truly seated with Him in heavenly places, then we have authority to exercise.
This isn't about earning God's love—it's about stewarding the incredible gift He's given us of being in union with Him.
The Fruit of Reciprocity
When we embrace reciprocal relationships, beautiful fruit emerges:
Creativity flourishes because everyone's gifts are valued
Problems get solved because multiple perspectives are engaged
People feel secure because they know they're valued
Love multiplies because it's flowing in all directions
Kingdom power is released because we're operating as God designed
The Fear of Reciprocity
Why do we resist reciprocal relationships? Often because they require more vulnerability and trust than hierarchical ones. In hierarchies, roles are clear and risks are limited. In reciprocal relationships, both parties must be willing to give and receive.
But the reward is infinitely greater. Reciprocal relationships create life, while hierarchical ones often create death—even when they're more comfortable.
The Invitation
You are invited into reciprocal relationship with God and with others. You are not just a recipient of God's love—you are a participant in His life. You are not just a member of Christ's body—you are His fullness.
This means:
Your flourishing brings Him glory
Your gifts contribute to His purposes
Your love flows back to Him
Your life makes a difference in His Kingdom
You are not a passive recipient of grace—you are an active participant in the life of God.
The Challenge
Here's the challenge: Are you ready to step into reciprocal relationship? Are you ready to stop just receiving and start contributing? Are you ready to move from audience to participant?
This requires courage, vulnerability, and trust. But it's the path to the fullness God designed for you.
You are His fullness, and He is yours. This is the reciprocal life—the dance of mutual love that reflects the very heart of God.
Are you ready to join the dance?
Blessings,
Susan 😊