What Divine Love Teaches About Relationships

One of the most transformative moments in my theological journey came when I realized that the Trinity isn't just an abstract doctrine to be memorized for systematic theology class—it's the blueprint for all healthy relationships. When I began to understand how Father, Son, and Holy Spirit relate to each other, I discovered the pattern that God intended for human relationships from the very beginning.

The Trinity reveals that at the core of reality itself is not hierarchy, competition, or dominance, but perfect love expressed through mutual honor, mutual submission, and mutual empowerment. This isn't just beautiful theology—it's practical wisdom for anyone who wants to build relationships that reflect God's heart.

The Divine Dance of Love

The theological term for the relationship between the persons of the Trinity is perichoresis—a Greek word that literally means "dance around." It describes the perfect, eternal flow of love between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, where each person seeks the glory and honor of the others.

This isn't a static relationship where each person stays in their designated role. It's a dynamic dance where love flows in all directions, where each person delights in lifting up the others, where power is shared rather than hoarded.

Biblical scholar Gordon Fee explains it beautifully: "The relationship between Father, Son, and Spirit is not hierarchical but one of mutual submission and self-giving love. This trinitarian relationship serves as the model for all Christian relationships."

When Jesus prays in John 17 that his followers "may be one as we are one" (John 17:11, NIV), he's not just asking for organizational unity. He's inviting us into the same kind of relationship that exists within the Godhead itself—the same mutual love, honor, and submission that characterizes the Trinity.

Philippians 2: The Pattern of Divine Love

One of the clearest pictures of how this divine love operates comes from Philippians 2, where Paul describes Jesus's descent and exaltation. But this passage isn't just about what Jesus did—it's about how love operates within the Trinity and how it should operate in our relationships.

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant" (Philippians 2:5-7, NIV).

Notice the pattern: Jesus, who had equality with the Father, chose to lay down his privileges and serve. But the passage doesn't end there. "Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name" (Philippians 2:9, NIV).

This is the perichoresis in action: the Son willingly submits to the Father's plan, trusting that the Father will lift him up. The Father receives the Son's submission and responds by exalting him above every name. It's a dance of mutual honor where self-giving love is met with other-exalting response.

What This Means for Marriage

Gregory and I have discovered that this Trinitarian pattern transforms how we approach our relationship. Instead of asking "Who's in charge?" we ask "How can we reflect the Trinity's love in our marriage?"

Mutual Honor: Just as the Father delights in the Son and the Son glorifies the Father, we seek to honor each other. Gregory celebrates my gifts and calling, even when it challenges traditional gender roles. I respect and admire his character and leadership, not because I have to, but because love naturally produces honor.

Mutual Submission: Neither of us approaches our marriage with an attitude of "I have the right to get my way." Instead, we both look for opportunities to defer to each other, to put the other's needs first, to lay down our preferences for the good of our relationship.

Mutual Empowerment: Like the Trinity, where each person empowers the others to fulfill their unique roles, we support each other's callings and gifts. Gregory's strength enhances mine; my gifts complement his. We're stronger together than either of us could be alone.

This doesn't mean we never disagree or that decision-making is always easy. But it means we approach conflicts with the assumption that we're on the same team, seeking the same goal, and trusting that love will guide us to solutions that honor both of us.

The Dance in Daily Life

What does Trinitarian love look like in the mundane moments of marriage? Let me share some glimpses from our relationship:

In Decision-Making: When we're facing important choices, we don't resort to "the husband decides" as a tiebreaker. Instead, we wait, pray, and trust that the same Spirit who guides the Trinity will guide us to consensus. This approach has consistently led to better decisions than either of us would have made alone.

In Conflict Resolution: When tensions arise, we remember that the goal isn't to win but to restore unity. Just as the Trinity never breaks fellowship despite distinct perspectives, we work to maintain connection even when we disagree.

In Daily Service: Gregory starts each morning with quiet time, crafting his daily devotional. Then he wraps his arms around me and shares what God revealed to him. This simple practice reflects the Trinity's pattern of receiving and giving, of blessing and being blessed.

In Supporting Each Other's Callings: Gregory champions my writing and teaching about gender equality, even though he could feel threatened by it. I support his heart for serving those in need, even when it means financial sacrifice. Like the Trinity, where each person delights in the others' unique roles, we celebrate rather than compete with each other's gifts.

Breaking the Pyramid Model

Most relationship problems stem from trying to organize human connections in pyramids rather than circles. The world teaches us that someone has to be on top, someone has to have final authority, someone has to win when there's disagreement.

But the Trinity shows us a different way. There's no hierarchy within the Godhead—just perfect love flowing in all directions. Each person is fully God, equally honored, mutually submissive to the others.

When we try to impose hierarchical structures on relationships designed for trinitarian love, we create dysfunction. Someone gets stuck with too much responsibility; someone else gets stuck with too little power. Love gets replaced by duty; joy gets replaced by obligation.

The Generator Effect

One of the most beautiful aspects of trinitarian relationships is what I call the "generator effect." Just like a water wheel that creates energy through the flow of water, mutual love creates power that benefits everyone involved.

When Gregory loves me sacrificially, it makes me want to love him more deeply in return. When I honor and respect him genuinely, it inspires him to love me even more generously. It's not a zero-sum game where one person's gain means another's loss—it's a positive feedback loop where everyone wins.

This is exactly what Paul describes in Ephesians 5. The husband's Christ-like love inspires the wife's respect and submission; the wife's respect and submission inspire the husband's deeper love. It's not a hierarchy but a dance of mutual honor that elevates both partners.

Ruth and Boaz: Trinity Love in Action

One of my favorite biblical examples of trinitarian love is the relationship between Ruth and Boaz. Here we see the beautiful back-and-forth that characterizes healthy relationships:

Ruth takes bold initiative in approaching Boaz, demonstrating strength and courage. Boaz responds by protecting and providing for her, showing strength and honor. Ruth receives his care with gratitude and respect. Boaz is inspired by her character to love her even more deeply.

Neither dominates the other; both contribute their unique strengths. The result is a relationship so beautiful that it becomes part of the lineage of Christ himself. Their love reflects the heart of God because it mirrors the love within the Trinity.

Practical Applications

How can couples begin to implement trinitarian patterns in their relationships?

Start with Identity: Just as the Trinity operates from a foundation of secure identity, healthy relationships require both partners to know they're beloved children of God. When your worth isn't dependent on your performance or your partner's approval, you're free to love without manipulation or control.

Practice Mutual Submission: Look for daily opportunities to put your partner's needs first. This doesn't mean becoming a doormat—it means actively seeking ways to bless and serve each other.

Honor Each Other's Gifts: Instead of competing with your partner's strengths, celebrate them. Support each other's callings and dreams, even when they challenge traditional expectations.

Make Decisions Together: Resist the temptation to resort to power plays when you disagree. Trust that the same God who guides the Trinity can guide your relationship to solutions that honor both partners.

Resolve Conflicts in Love: When tensions arise, remember that the goal is restoration of unity, not victory over your partner. Address issues honestly but with grace, always seeking understanding rather than just being understood.

The Invitation to Divine Love

The Trinity isn't just our model for relationships—it's our invitation to participate in divine love itself. When Jesus prayed that we would be one as he and the Father are one, he was inviting us into the same love that exists at the heart of reality.

This is revolutionary. It means that our marriages, our friendships, our families can actually become expressions of God's own nature. Every time we choose mutual submission over self-assertion, we're revealing something about who God is. Every time we use our strength to lift others up rather than keep them down, we're reflecting trinitarian love.

This doesn't happen automatically or easily. It requires intentionality, humility, and a willingness to lay down the world's patterns of dominance and control. But when we embrace this vision of relationships, we discover something beautiful: the Trinity isn't just our theology—it's our lived experience of what love can be when it flows the way God designed it.

The dance of divine love is happening all around us, inviting us to join in. The question is: are we ready to step into the rhythm of mutual honor, mutual submission, and mutual empowerment that reflects the very heart of God?

Blessings,
Susan 😊