Beyond the Seesaw: Why Reversing Power Doesn't Solve Oppression
I remember the moment I realized I could have easily become everything I opposed.
After discovering how women had been subjugated for millennia based on misinterpreted Scripture, I felt a rage building inside me that was both righteous and dangerous. The enemy whispered seductively: "You could go on a rampage. You could expose every leader who teaches male headship. You could demand retribution for centuries of harm."
For a moment, it was tempting. After all, didn't women deserve justice? Hadn't we been silenced long enough?
But then the Holy Spirit's words echoed in my heart: "The hearts of men are now ready to receive the truth."
Not ready to be conquered. Not ready to be dominated. Ready to receive truth in love.
That's when I understood: the solution to wrong power isn't reverse power. It's a completely different kingdom altogether.
The Seesaw Syndrome
We've all seen it on playgrounds—the seesaw. One person goes up while the other goes down. It seems like fun until you realize that someone is always on the bottom, always struggling to push back up, always in a power struggle with the person on the other end.
This is exactly what happens when we try to solve inequality by simply flipping who's in charge.
For centuries, women were on the bottom of the seesaw. Men held the power, made the decisions, controlled the resources. Women were expected to submit, serve, and stay quiet. The system was clearly unjust.
But what I've watched happen in our culture over the past several decades is that instead of dismantling the seesaw, we've often just tried to reverse it. Now women should be on top. Men should be the ones who accommodate and defer. Instead of "the man is the head of the household," it becomes "women are naturally better at relationships and decision-making."
The problem? It's still the same broken system. Someone is still on the bottom.
When Oppressed Becomes Oppressor
History shows us this pattern repeatedly. The oppressed gain power and become oppressors themselves. Slaves become masters. The marginalized become the marginalizers. It's a cycle as old as humanity itself.
In gender relations, I've watched this play out in heartbreaking ways:
In education: Today, about 70% of university seats are filled by women, while men are struggling academically. Instead of celebrating that women now have equal access to education, we're seeing concerning trends of male disengagement and failure.
In the workplace: Women entering traditionally male fields is wonderful progress. But when this is accompanied by rhetoric about how "toxic masculinity" is the root of all workplace problems, we create environments where men feel unwelcome or devalued.
In relationships: Some women have swung from submission to dominance, using their newfound voice not to create partnership but to control and diminish their husbands.
In parenting: I've seen mothers so determined to raise "non-toxic" sons that they've actually shamed their boys for normal masculine traits like physical strength, competitiveness, or leadership instincts.
The enemy doesn't care which end of the seesaw we're on—he just wants us divided, competing, and operating in the wrong kingdom.
The False Paradigm of Scarcity
The seesaw mentality operates on a lie: that power, worth, and opportunity are limited resources. It assumes that if women gain equality, men must lose something. If women speak up, men must be silenced. If women lead, men must follow.
But this is the world's paradigm, not the Kingdom's.
In God's Kingdom, power isn't a pie with limited slices—it's the miracle of the loaves and fishes that multiplies when shared. When we operate in love and honor, everyone rises together.
I love how Gregory and I experience this in our marriage. When I succeed in real estate, Gregory celebrates because we're one. When his ministry to the poor touches hundreds of lives, I'm proud because his success is our success. Neither of us has to diminish for the other to shine.
This is what mutual submission actually looks like—not a power struggle, but a power multiplication.
The Toxic Masculinity Trap
One of the most damaging aspects of the seesaw mentality is how it has demonized masculinity itself. Instead of distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy expressions of male strength, we've created a culture where any display of traditional masculine traits is suspect.
But here's what I've learned in my marriage with Gregory: authentic masculinity is incredibly powerful—and there's nothing toxic about it.
This is masculinity as God designed it—strength used to protect and serve, not to dominate and control.
When we label all masculine traits as "toxic," we rob both men and women of the beautiful complementarity God intended. We also create men who are confused about their identity and role, leading to the very problems we're trying to solve.
The Kingdom Alternative
So what's the alternative to the seesaw? It's the Kingdom operating system that Jesus modeled and taught.
In the world's system:
Power flows downward in one direction
Authority means control
Leadership equals being in charge
Success means rising above others
Relationships are hierarchical
In God's Kingdom:
Power flows in all directions; it's circular
Authority means responsibility to serve
Leadership equals lifting others up
Success means bringing everyone up together
Relationships are characterized by mutual submission
When Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world" (John 18:36 NIV), He wasn't just making a statement about geography—He was introducing an entirely different operating system for human relationships.
Practical Steps Off the Seesaw
How do we move beyond seesaw thinking in our own lives and relationships?
1. Check your motivations. Are you seeking equality or superiority? Justice or revenge? Partnership or control?
2. Honor the humanity in everyone. Whether someone currently holds traditional views or progressive ones, they're made in God's image and deserve respect.
3. Celebrate others' successes. When men in your life succeed, cheer them on. When women break barriers, celebrate. Success isn't a zero-sum game.
4. Speak truth in love. You can disagree with harmful systems without attacking the people caught in them.
5. Model the Kingdom. Show what mutual honor and submission look like rather than just arguing for it.
The Enemy's Strategy Exposed
The enemy's goal has always been division. He doesn't care if it's men oppressing women or women diminishing men. He doesn't care if it's racial division, economic division, or any other kind of division. As long as we're fighting each other instead of operating in love and unity, he wins.
The seesaw keeps us focused on who's up and who's down instead of building something better together.
But when we step off the seesaw and into Kingdom relationships, something beautiful happens. We discover that there's enough room for everyone to flourish. There's enough power for everyone to lead when their gifts are needed. There's enough love for everyone to feel valued and honored.
This is the transformation that happens when hearts are ready—not the reversal of oppression, but the elimination of it altogether.
The hearts of men are ready for this truth. Not because they're tired of being on the bottom of the seesaw, but because they're ready to build something better entirely.
Have you seen seesaw dynamics in your own life or relationships? What would it look like to step off the seesaw and into Kingdom partnership in your current situation?
Blessings,
Susan 😊