Don't Lose Your Head: The Unity Paul Actually Taught

I have a confession to make. For years, I taught and believed that when the Bible talks about "headship," it meant authority and hierarchy. I taught that husbands were the "head" of their wives in the same way a CEO is the head of a company—with decision-making power and final authority.

I was wrong. Completely, utterly wrong.

And the Greek word that changed everything for me was kephale.

The Head That Isn't About Authority

In every single instance where Paul uses the word kephale (head) in the context of relationships, he's not talking about authority over someone. He's talking about unity with someone. Connection. Source. Life-giving relationship.

Think about it: your physical head doesn't rule over your body like a dictator. Your head and body are one unified organism. When your head is healthy, your body is healthy. When your body is healthy, your head is healthy. They share the same blood, the same nervous system, the same life.

If your head and body were actually in a power struggle—if your head was trying to control your body while your body was resisting—you'd be in serious medical trouble. That's not how healthy organisms work.

The Cycle of Glory

Paul describes this beautiful reality in Ephesians 1:22-23, where he talks about Christ as "head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all" (NASB).

Do you see what's happening here? Christ fills the church, and the church is His fullness. It's circular. It's a cycle of mutual filling, mutual glory, mutual life.

I picture it like a water cycle: Christ flows into us like a spring flows into a river. We flow back to Him like a river flows into the sea. His love rises up like evaporation, gathers like clouds, and falls on us like rain, starting the whole cycle again.

This isn't hierarchy—it's unity. It's oneness. It's the very life of God flowing through His people.

Every Joint Supplies

Paul expands this picture in Ephesians 4:16, describing how "the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love" (NASB).

Every joint supplies. Every individual part has proper working. The body builds itself up through the contribution of each member.

This is the opposite of a pyramid structure where everything flows upward to support the top. In God's Kingdom, everything flows in all directions to support the whole. You supply what I need; I supply what you need. Gregory supplies what both of us need in some areas; we supply what he needs in others.

It's about connection, not control. It's about finding out how we're fitted together, how we flow together, how we build each other up in love.

The Difference Between Organisms and Organizations

Here's what I've learned: the difference between God's Kingdom and the world's system is the difference between an organism and an organization.

Organizations are built on pyramid structures. Someone's at the top, others are in the middle, and the foundation exists to support those above them. Power flows one direction—upward.

But organisms are different. In a healthy organism, every part contributes to the whole. The heart doesn't rule over the liver; they work together. The brain doesn't extract from the lungs; they serve each other. When one part is healthy, the whole body benefits. When one part is sick, the whole body suffers.

This is why Paul says we're "members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25, NASB). Not employees of one another. Not subjects of one another. Members. Parts of the same body.

The Unity Factor

Throughout Ephesians 4, Paul keeps coming back to unity. "There is one body and one Spirit... one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all" (Ephesians 4:4-6, NASB).

The whole point of leadership gifts—apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers—is "until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God" (Ephesians 4:13, NASB).

Unity. Not hierarchy. Not chain of command. Unity.

When we understand that we're actually one in Christ, that we're filled with Him and He's filled with us, something beautiful happens. We stop trying to be over each other and start learning to be with each other. We stop extracting and start flowing. We stop controlling and start connecting.

The Enemy's Strategy

The enemy's strategy is brilliant and subtle. He takes the very thing that's meant to unite us—the head and body relationship—and twists it into something that divides us.

Instead of understanding that Christ is the head and we're all part of His body, we start creating little kingdoms where some people get to be "heads" over others. Instead of the beautiful cycle of mutual filling, we create pyramids where some people get filled while others get drained.

The enemy doesn't want us to know who we are in Christ because when we do, we stop operating like slaves and start operating like the royal priesthood we actually are. We stop accepting second-class citizenship in God's Kingdom and start taking our place as full members of His body.

Growing Up Into Him

Paul says we're to "grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ" (Ephesians 4:15, NASB). This isn't about becoming more submissive to human authority. It's about becoming more connected to our true Head—Christ Himself.

When we're connected to Christ as our head, we naturally begin to function like Him. We serve rather than demanding to be served. We lift others up rather than putting them down. We create fullness in others rather than extracting from them.

This is maturity. This is growing up into the fullness of Christ.

The Flow of Life

Here's what I've discovered in my own marriage and relationships: when we operate from the head-body model of unity rather than the pyramid model of hierarchy, life flows naturally.

Gregory and I don't have power struggles about who's in charge because we understand that we're one. We're connected. We're part of the same life, the same body, the same Spirit. When he's healthy, I'm healthy. When I'm healthy, he's healthy. When we're both healthy, we can serve others from that overflow.

It's not about him being my head or me being his head. It's about Christ being our head and us being His body together.

The Invitation

So here's the question: Are you trying to be a head over someone, or are you learning to be a member with someone?

Are you connected to the true Head—Christ—in that beautiful cycle of unity and life? Or have you disconnected from Him to participate in human pyramid structures?

The truth is, there's only one Head of the body of Christ, and that's Christ Himself. The rest of us are members—wonderfully diverse, uniquely gifted, equally valuable members of His one body.

When we understand that, everything changes. We stop fighting over who gets to be in charge and start working together as the unified body we actually are.

That's the head-ship Paul actually taught. That's the unity Christ died to give us.

Don't lose your head trying to be someone else's head. Instead, find your place in the body and let the true Head—Christ—flow through you to bring life to the whole.

That's the Gospel. That's the Kingdom. That's the way it's supposed to work.

Blessings,
Susan 😊