From Obedience to Wisdom: Growing Up in God's Kingdom
There's a profound shift that happens in healthy relationships as we mature—a shift from obedience to wisdom, from simply following orders to partnership in decision-making. And I believe this shift is exactly what God desires for us as we grow in our relationship with Him.
For too long, we've been taught that spiritual maturity means becoming more compliant, more submissive, more willing to simply do what we're told without question. But I've discovered something beautiful: God actually wants us to grow up, to mature, to become partners with Him in the work of His Kingdom.
The Parenting Paradigm
If you're a parent, you understand this progression naturally. When your child is very young—a toddler—you need to teach them to obey. You say "Stop!" and they need to stop immediately, especially if there's a car coming. Their safety depends on their ability to follow instructions without question.
But if you're still expecting your 30-year-old child to obey you like a toddler, something is seriously wrong. Healthy parenting moves from "do what I tell you" to "let me help you figure out what to do." It progresses from obedience to wisdom, from commands to collaboration.
A mature parent doesn't want adult children who can't make decisions without being told what to do. They want children who have internalized good values, who can think for themselves, who can make wise choices even when no one is watching.
The Spiritual Parallel
I believe the same progression is meant to happen in our spiritual lives. When we're new believers, we need clear instructions. We need to learn basic obedience to God's commands. We need the security of knowing what to do and what not to do.
But God doesn't want us to stay spiritual toddlers forever. He wants us to grow up "in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ" (Ephesians 4:15, NASB). He wants us to mature from needing to be told what to do to becoming partners with Him in the work of His Kingdom.
This doesn't mean we become independent from God. It means we become interdependent with Him. We learn to hear His voice, to understand His heart, to make decisions that reflect His character even when we don't have a specific command for every situation.
The Wisdom Invitation
Paul talks about this maturity in terms of wisdom. He says, "Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away; but we speak God's wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory" (1 Corinthians 2:6-7, NASB).
This wisdom isn't just intellectual knowledge. It's the ability to see situations through God's eyes, to understand His heart, to make decisions that align with His Kingdom purposes even when there's no clear biblical precedent.
It's the difference between a child who needs to be told "don't hit your sister" and a mature adult who naturally treats others with kindness because they understand the heart of love behind the command.
The Partnership Principle
Here's what I've learned: God actually wants us to rule and reign with Him, not just follow orders from Him. We're called to be "a royal priesthood" (1 Peter 2:9, NASB), to be "fellow workers with God" (1 Corinthians 3:9, NASB), to be partners in the work of His Kingdom.
This requires wisdom, not just obedience. It requires understanding, not just compliance. It requires maturity, not just submission.
When we understand this, everything changes. Prayer becomes less about begging God to do things for us and more about learning to work with Him. Decision-making becomes less about trying to figure out what He wants us to do and more about understanding His heart and His purposes.
The Marriage Application
This same principle applies to marriage. In healthy marriages, both partners grow from simple rule-following to wisdom-sharing. They learn to make decisions together, to seek God's wisdom together, to partner with each other in the work of building their life together.
When I was taught traditional submission in marriage, it was essentially spiritual toddlerhood. "Do what your husband tells you." "Don't question his decisions." "Your job is to obey." But that's not maturity—that's arrested development.
Healthy marriages move beyond this to true partnership. Both spouses bring their wisdom, their insights, their gifts to the relationship. Both seek God's guidance. Both contribute to decision-making. Both grow in wisdom together.
Gregory and I don't operate on a parent-child model where one of us gives orders and the other obeys. We operate on a partnership model where we both seek God's wisdom and work together to make decisions that honor Him and serve our family.
The Church Implication
The same principle applies to church leadership. Too often, we've created systems where leaders are expected to hear from God and tell everyone else what to do, while congregation members are expected to simply obey without question.
But that's not biblical leadership. That's not how Jesus led His disciples. He taught them, trained them, and then sent them out to make decisions and take initiative. He didn't want followers who could only function when He was physically present giving them commands.
Healthy church leadership develops people's ability to hear from God, to exercise spiritual gifts, to make wise decisions, to take initiative in Kingdom work. It moves people from dependence to interdependence, from obedience to wisdom.
The Responsibility Factor
Here's what I've discovered: with wisdom comes responsibility. When God moves us from simple obedience to wise partnership, He's also moving us from childhood to adulthood in the Kingdom.
That means we can't just blame others when things go wrong. We can't just say, "I was just following orders." We become responsible for seeking God's wisdom, for making wise choices, for partnering with Him in the work of His Kingdom.
This can be scary at first. It's easier to just be told what to do. But it's also incredibly liberating. When we understand that God trusts us enough to include us in His decision-making, to seek our input, to value our perspective—it changes everything.
The Maturity Markers
How do we know when we're moving from obedience to wisdom? Here are some markers I've observed:
In our relationship with God:
We seek His heart, not just His commands
We learn to recognize His voice in various situations
We take initiative in Kingdom work rather than waiting for specific directions
We become comfortable with mystery and ambiguity
We make decisions based on wisdom principles rather than just rules
In our relationships with others:
We contribute wisdom rather than just following instructions
We take responsibility for our choices and their consequences
We help others grow in wisdom rather than just demanding obedience
We become comfortable with shared decision-making
We value others' insights and perspectives
In our leadership:
We develop others' ability to think and decide
We create environments where wisdom can flourish
We model partnership rather than dominance
We encourage questions and discussion
We measure success by others' growth, not just their compliance
The Beautiful Destination
The beautiful thing about this progression is that it leads to deeper intimacy with God, not greater distance from Him. When we move from obedience to wisdom, we're not becoming more independent—we're becoming more interdependent.
We're learning to think His thoughts, to feel His heart, to see through His eyes. We're becoming partners with Him in the work of His Kingdom, colaborers in His great plan of redemption.
This is what Paul meant when he said we're being "transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18, NASB). We're not just becoming more obedient—we're becoming more like Him.
The Invitation
So here's my invitation: if you've been stuck in spiritual toddlerhood, if you've been taught that maturity means becoming more compliant rather than more wise, if you've been waiting for someone to tell you what to do rather than learning to partner with God—it's time to grow up.
God wants to include you in His decision-making. He wants to share His wisdom with you. He wants you to become a partner in His Kingdom work.
That doesn't mean you become prideful or independent. It means you become mature—able to think with His mind, love with His heart, and act with His wisdom.
That's the journey from obedience to wisdom. That's growing up in God's Kingdom.
And that's exactly where He wants to take you.
Blessings,
Susan 😊