The Sentence That Changes Everything: Why Context Matters in Ephesians 5

There's one verse that has been used to silence more women, justify more abuse, and create more division in Christian marriages than perhaps any other in the Bible. It's the verse that was drilled into me as a Christian woman to explain why I was secondary and why the man had to get his way in any disagreement.

"Wives, submit to your husbands, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:22-23, NASB).

But here's what I discovered that changed everything: this isn't actually a complete sentence. And when you read the complete sentence that Paul actually wrote, it says something entirely different than what we've been taught.

The Sentence That Starts Way Back

In many translations, you'll find a section break right before verse 22, making it look like "Wives, submit to your husbands" starts a new thought. But Paul didn't write in chapters and verses—those were added centuries later. And he certainly didn't write with section breaks.

The actual sentence that contains the instruction to wives starts way back in verse 18: "And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ" (Ephesians 5:18-21, NASB).

Then, without a period, without a new sentence, Paul continues: "Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22, NASB).

Notice what's missing? The word "submit" or "be subject to." In the original Greek, it's not there. Paul is borrowing the verb from verse 21 where he commands everyone to "be subject to one another."

The Context Changes Everything

So what's the actual context of Paul's instruction to wives? Let me break it down:

1. Be filled with the Spirit (v. 18)

2. Speak to one another in spiritual songs (v. 19)

3. Give thanks for all things (v. 20)

4. Be subject to one another (v. 21)

5. Wives [be subject to] your husbands as part of this mutual submission (v. 22)

The instruction to wives isn't separate from mutual submission—it's an example of mutual submission. Paul is saying, "Everyone submit to each other, and wives, here's how that looks in your marriage..."

The Revolutionary Nature of This Teaching

To understand how radical this was, we need to remember the culture Paul was writing into. In both Jewish and Roman cultures of his day, women had virtually no rights. They couldn't divorce abusive husbands, they had no legal voice, and they were essentially property.

But Paul is writing to a mixed congregation in Ephesus, where some women had been influenced by Artemis worship and were swinging to the opposite extreme—trying to dominate their husbands as a reaction to their cultural powerlessness.

Paul's message to these women was revolutionary: "You're not secondary. You're not property. In Christ, you are one with your husband—truly one. But your newfound freedom doesn't mean you get to dominate him any more than he gets to dominate you. You're called to mutual submission, mutual honor, mutual love."

The Grammar That Exposes the Lie

Here's something that stops me in my tracks every time I read it: Paul says there is "no male and female" in Christ (Galatians 3:28, NASB). Not "no male or female"—but "no male and female." Even his grammar refuses to set them up as opposites!

Paul understood that God's design from the beginning was unity: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31, NASB). One flesh. Not two separate units with one having authority over the other.

The traditional teaching takes this beautiful mystery of unity and turns it into a hierarchy. It takes what's meant to bring us together and uses it to divide us at our most intimate relationships.

The False Emergency Argument

One of the most common objections I hear is: "But if you have to make a decision right away—if it's life and death and you disagree—someone has to make the final call, right?"

This argument is built on faulty premises:

1. It's incredibly rare. How often do couples actually face true emergency decisions where they disagree and there's no time to think?

2. It assumes conflict. The scenario only works if you assume the couple will be in fundamental disagreement. But healthy couples who practice mutual submission rarely find themselves in such impasses.

3. It ignores wisdom. In a true emergency, wouldn't you want the person with the most relevant expertise to make the call, regardless of gender?

4. It misses the point. Using a rare, hypothetical situation to justify an entire relationship structure is like using wartime conditions to define peacetime governance.

But here's the real problem: this "emergency decision" mindset actually creates the very divisiveness it claims to solve. When you build your entire marriage on the assumption that one person gets the final say, you're creating an adversarial dynamic rather than a partnership.

The True Emergency

You know what the real emergency is? It's that we've taken the verse meant to unite us in the great mystery of Christ and the church and turned it into a weapon that divides us at our core relationships.

Paul says, "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32, NASB). The husband-wife relationship is meant to model the Christ-church relationship. And if we disempower the bride in our earthly marriages, we're also disempowering the bride of Christ.

I believe this is one reason why the church has been so anemic—she's been taught to act like we've taught women to act. Passive. Waiting to be told what to do. Believing her role is to stand by her man rather than to be a full partner in the work of the Kingdom.

The Beautiful Mystery

When we read Ephesians 5 in its full context, starting with being filled with the Spirit and submitting to one another, it becomes a beautiful picture of mutual love and honor. Paul tells both husbands and wives to lay down their lives for each other. He calls them to love like Christ loves—sacrificially, servant-heartedly, with no thought of personal advantage.

This isn't about who's in charge. It's about who can love more deeply, serve more fully, honor more completely.

The verse that follows—about wives respecting husbands and husbands loving wives—isn't about separate roles but about the full expression of love. Both are called to love. Both are called to respect. Both are called to serve. Both are called to honor.

The Invitation

So here's my challenge: read Ephesians 5:18-33 again, but this time as one complete thought. See how different it sounds when you don't break it apart with artificial section divisions.

Notice how it starts with being filled with the Spirit and speaking to one another in spiritual songs. Notice how it's all about mutual submission and mutual honor. Notice how it ends with the beautiful mystery of two becoming one.

That's the sentence that changes everything. That's the context that transforms our understanding.

When we stop taking verses out of context to support hierarchical structures and start reading them as part of Paul's beautiful vision of mutual love and submission, everything changes.

The very verse that's been used to divide us becomes the verse that unites us. The passage that's been used to silence women becomes the passage that empowers both men and women to love like Christ.

That's the Gospel. That's the Kingdom. That's the sentence that changes everything.

Because when we understand that we're truly one—equal in value, equal in dignity, equal in calling—we can finally stop fighting over who's in charge and start working together as the unified body we were always meant to be.

Blessings,
Susan 😊