The Ephesians 5 Passage You've Never Really Read

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22, ESV).

For countless Christian women, this verse has been the final word on marriage hierarchy. No matter what else Scripture might say about equality, mutual respect, or shared leadership, this passage seems to settle the matter definitively: wives submit, husbands lead.

But what if I told you that this verse—as it appears in English—doesn't actually exist in the original Greek?

What if the passage you've been taught to accept as the foundation of marriage hierarchy actually teaches the exact opposite?

The Missing Word That Changes Everything

Here's something that will shock most Christians: in the original Greek text of Ephesians 5:22, there is no word for "submit."

Go ahead, read that again. The verse that forms the cornerstone of complementarian theology doesn't actually contain the word it's famous for.

In Greek, verse 22 reads literally: "Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord." The verb "submit" (hypotassō) must be borrowed from the previous verse, where Paul commands everyone to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21, ESV).

Biblical scholar Dr. Cynthia Long Westfall explains the grammatical significance: "The instruction to wives in verse 22 is dependent on the mutual submission command in verse 21. Paul deliberately connects these concepts to show that the wife's submission exists within the context of mutual submission."

This isn't a minor technical detail—it completely changes how we understand the passage. Paul isn't establishing a hierarchy; he's showing how mutual submission applies specifically to marriage.

The Cultural Revolution Hidden in Plain Sight

To understand what Paul was really doing, we need to grasp just how radical his teaching was in the first century. Under both Roman and Jewish law, women had little choice but to submit to their husbands. Wives were essentially property, with no legal rights, no voice in decisions, no option to leave abusive situations.

In this context, telling wives to submit wasn't revolutionary—it was simply acknowledging existing reality.

But here's what was revolutionary: Paul never commands husbands to make their wives submit. Instead, he commands them to love sacrificially—a radical departure from patriarchal norms that emphasized male authority rather than male responsibility.

Even more shocking, Paul addresses wives directly. In a culture where women were expected to remain silent and invisible, Paul speaks to them as moral agents capable of making their own spiritual decisions. This was scandalous.

The Pattern Paul Follows

Here's another detail most Christians miss: throughout Paul's letters, he consistently places instructions about wives submitting alongside instructions about slaves submitting—often in the same breath.

• Ephesians 5:22-6:9: wives submit... slaves obey

• Colossians 3:18-4:1: wives submit... slaves obey

• 1 Peter 2:18-3:7: slaves submit... wives submit

For decades, I overlooked this pattern. But when I finally noticed it, everything clicked.

Just as we now understand that Paul wasn't endorsing slavery for all time, we must recognize that he wasn't endorsing male domination either. He was showing believers how to operate within broken systems while releasing Kingdom transformation into them.

Paul was planting seeds of Kingdom reality that would eventually undermine both slavery and patriarchy.

The "Go the Extra Mile" Strategy

When Jesus said, "If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles" (Matthew 5:41, NIV), He wasn't endorsing forced labor. He was teaching oppressed people how to rise above their circumstances and operate in their own power.

This is exactly what Paul does with wives and slaves. He teaches those who are oppressed how to move beyond mere obligation (where they have no choice) and enter the realm of operating with their own free will and spiritual authority.

When a wife chooses to submit out of reverence for Christ rather than mere cultural compulsion, she's no longer operating as property—she's operating as a spiritual agent making her own decisions. This transforms the entire dynamic.

What Paul Never Says

Notice what Paul conspicuously doesn't say to husbands:

• He never tells them they have authority over their wives

• He never instructs them to enforce submission

• He never gives them permission to make unilateral decisions

• He never calls them "head" in the sense of ruler or boss

Instead, Paul tells husbands to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25, ESV). This is the language of sacrifice, not supremacy.

Christ's "headship" over the church isn't about control—it's about laying down His life. If husbands are to follow this model, their "headship" must look like self-sacrifice, not self-assertion.

The Missionary Context

This becomes even clearer when we look at similar passages like 1 Peter 3, where wives are told to submit "like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him lord" (1 Peter 3:6, ESV).

This passage must be understood within its missionary context. Peter is addressing women who had converted to Christianity while their husbands remained unbelievers. His concern is evangelistic—that these women might win their husbands to Christ through respectful behavior.

As Dr. Karen Jobes notes in her commentary: "Peter's advice is strategic rather than theological. He's not establishing a timeless hierarchy but providing wisdom for women in a specific situation where their witness is at stake."

Peter immediately follows this with instructions to husbands to honor their wives as "heirs with you of the gracious gift of life" (1 Peter 3:7, ESV). This recognition of women as equal heirs was revolutionary in a culture that viewed women as inherently inferior.

The Broader Biblical Pattern

When we step back and look at Scripture's overall trajectory, we see a consistent movement toward equality and mutual honor:

• Genesis presents men and women as equal image-bearers of God

• Jesus consistently elevated women's dignity against cultural norms

• Paul recognized women as co-workers, deacons, and even apostles

• The early church included women in leadership roles

The question isn't whether the Bible supports hierarchy or equality—it's whether we're reading these passages through the lens of God's Kingdom or the world's systems.

Transforming Culture from Within

Paul's genius was working within existing cultural structures while simultaneously undermining them. He couldn't simply declare slavery and patriarchy abolished—that would have gotten Christians killed and the Gospel suppressed.

Instead, he planted seeds that would eventually grow into movements that transformed entire civilizations. The same Gospel principles that led to the abolition of slavery also lead to the recognition of women's equality.

As theologian Dr. William Webb demonstrates in his "redemptive movement hermeneutic," Scripture often accommodates cultural realities while simultaneously planting seeds that will eventually undermine harmful practices.

What This Means for Marriage Today

Understanding Ephesians 5 in its proper context doesn't eliminate the concept of submission—it transforms it. When we see that Paul's entire discussion flows from "submit to one another" (Ephesians 5:21, ESV), we realize he's not establishing hierarchy but modeling how mutual submission works in marriage.

The wife's submission to her husband exists within the context of his equal submission to her. His sacrificial love creates safety for her respect and honor. Her respect and submission inspire his deeper love. It's a circle, not a ladder.

This is what God's Kingdom looks like in marriage: two people empowering each other, serving each other, lifting each other up. Not because one is superior and one is inferior, but because both are reflecting the nature of Christ.

The Passage You've Never Really Read

So here's the Ephesians 5 passage you've never really read:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, [submit] to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head [source/foundation] of the wife as Christ is the head [source/foundation] of the church... Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:21-33, ESV, with proper understanding).

This isn't a passage about hierarchy. It's a passage about the beautiful dance of mutual submission, where each partner's strength enables the other's flourishing.

It's not about one person having authority over another. It's about both people reflecting the self-giving love of Christ.

This is marriage as God designed it—not a power structure, but a partnership that points the world to the Gospel.

How does this understanding of Ephesians 5 change your perspective on marriage? Have you experienced the difference between hierarchy-based relationships and mutual submission? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

Blessings,
Susan 😊