The Greek Word That Changed Everything

For most Christian women, the word "headship" triggers an immediate internal wrestling match. We want to honor God and follow His design for relationships, but something about the traditional teaching just feels... suffocating. I know because I lived it for years.

Even after discovering how Paul consistently liberated women throughout his ministry, even after seeing Jesus' revolutionary treatment of women, I kept hitting a wall with one particular concept: "the husband is the head of the wife" (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).

No matter what else I learned, this seemed to settle the matter. If the husband is the "head," then surely that means hierarchy, right? Authority flowing downward? Someone has to be in charge, and that someone is the man.

I was trapped in 21st-century thinking, applying our modern understanding of "head" to ancient text. In my mind, "head" meant CEO, head of state, the person at the top of the organizational chart. And if you're approaching Scripture with that framework, then yes—it seems pretty clear that wives should be subordinate.

But what if everything we've been taught about this word is wrong?

Going Back to the Source

I'll confess upfront—I'm not a Greek scholar. But I can look up words, and with today's resources, I can tell you exactly how the Greek word kephalē (head) is used throughout the New Testament. What I discovered shocked me.

Kephalē appears 67 times in the New Testament. Here's the breakdown that changed everything for me:

• 55 times (82%): It refers to a literal, physical head attached to a body

• 5 times: It refers to Christ as the "head of the corner" (cornerstone)

• 7 times: It's used metaphorically to describe relationships

The vast majority of uses are completely literal. When Herodias wanted "the head of John the Baptist on a platter" (Matthew 14:8, ESV), she wasn't asking for his leadership position—she wanted his actual head. When people put ashes on their heads while mourning, it was their physical heads.

But here's what really got my attention: Never once in the New Testament is kephalē used the way we think of "head" today—as a ruler, CEO, or person in charge.

In fact, according to etymological research, it was several centuries after the New Testament before the word "head" was used to mean "head of state" or "ruler." That's a relatively modern development in language.

The Cornerstone That Stumbles

Of the seven metaphorical uses, five refer to Christ as the "head of the corner"—the cornerstone. This is significant because a cornerstone isn't the capstone at the top of a pyramid. It's the first stone laid in a foundation, the reference point for all other stones, the stabilizing force that holds the entire structure together.

And every time Scripture mentions Christ as the cornerstone, it notes that this will be "a stumbling block" (1 Peter 2:8, ESV). Why? Because everyone expected the Messiah to be the ruler at the top, the king who would overthrow Rome and establish earthly dominion. But Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world" (John 18:36, ESV).

He came as the cornerstone—the foundation, the source of stability—not the capstone demanding submission from below.

The Worship Service That Changed Everything

For the longest time, I had the intellectual knowledge that kephalē didn't mean "ruler," but I couldn't shake the old paradigm. Head still felt hierarchical to me, even when I knew it shouldn't.

Then I had an encounter with the Lord that shifted everything.

I was at a worship service where an artist was doing prophetic painting. I watched her paint a picture of a man lifting up a dancer—a beautiful image of a strong man supporting a woman as she danced gracefully above his head.

As I watched, I felt the tangible presence of the Lord settle on me so heavily I could barely stand. I knew He was trying to communicate something, but I had no idea what. I'm not a dancer, not particularly artistic—why this image?

I had to have that painting, but the artist had already promised it to someone else.

Months later, at another conference, the same artist began painting the exact same picture. As she painted, I felt that same weighty presence of the Lord. Before I could even ask to buy the painting, I whispered, "Lord, what is this?"

His answer stopped me in my tracks: "That's headship."

A Dance, Not a Dictatorship

In that moment, everything clicked. Headship isn't about control—it's about relationship. It's not about roles—it's about the dance.

Look at that image: the man's strength enables the woman's grace. Her beauty and movement give purpose to his strength. Neither can create this dance alone. It requires both partners, each contributing their gifts, each supporting the other.

The man isn't controlling the woman's every move like a puppet master. She's not a passive object being manipulated. She's a skilled dancer, making her own choices about how to move, while he provides the stable foundation that allows her to soar.

This is headship—mutual dependence, complementary strengths, shared purpose.

What the Remaining Verses Actually Say

When I went back to examine the remaining uses of kephalē in the New Testament, this understanding made everything clear. Every single metaphorical use emphasizes unity between head and body, not hierarchy.

In Colossians, Paul talks about Christ as the head of the church, emphasizing how "the whole body, nourished and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows with a growth that is from God" (Colossians 2:19, ESV). It's about connection, mutual dependence, shared life flowing between head and body.

When people get caught up in religious rules and regulations—trying to establish hierarchy and control—Paul says they become "disconnected from the head" (Colossians 2:19, ESV). Control and hierarchy actually sever the unity that headship is meant to represent.

The Head-Body Metaphor in Greek Culture

Here's something else I discovered: in all Greek literature of Paul's time, the head-body metaphor was consistently used to describe unity and mutual dependence. Greek philosophers and writers used this imagery to show how different parts of society needed each other—how the "head" (leadership) and "body" (citizens) were incomplete without each other.

The point was never hierarchy. It was always interdependence.

What good is a head without a body? What good is a body without a head? They're designed to function as one unified whole, each part contributing what the other lacks.

From Pyramid to Circle

This understanding completely transformed how I read passages about marriage and church leadership. Instead of seeing a pyramid with someone at the top giving orders to those below, I began to see the circle dance of the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in perfect unity, each submitting to the others, each contributing their unique role.

This is what God's Kingdom looks like. This is the model Jesus established when He said, "It shall not be so among you" (Matthew 20:26, ESV).

When we understand headship as unity rather than hierarchy, everything changes. Suddenly, "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21, ESV) isn't just a nice introduction to Paul's marriage teaching—it's the foundation of everything that follows.

The Greek word that changed everything wasn't telling wives to become subordinate. It was inviting both husbands and wives into the dance of mutual submission, where each partner's strength enables the other's flourishing.

This is headship as God designed it—not a chain of command, but a circle of love.

What has your experience been with traditional teachings on headship? Have you ever felt that tension between wanting to honor God and feeling constrained by hierarchical interpretations? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Blessings,
Susan 😊