When Scripture Seems to Contradict Itself: Wrestling with Hard Questions
Have you ever found yourself staring at two Bible verses that seem to say completely opposite things? I have. And it led me on a journey that transformed not just my understanding of Scripture, but my entire approach to relationships, marriage, and the Kingdom of God.
For years, I lived with what felt like cognitive dissonance. On one hand, I read "wives, submit to your husbands" (Ephesians 5:22) and accepted it as God's clear design for marriage. On the other hand, just one verse earlier, Paul writes "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21).
How could both be true? Was Paul contradicting himself? Was I missing something?
The Questions That Wouldn't Go Away
The tension became unbearable when I started noticing patterns in Scripture that didn't align with traditional teachings I'd been given. I saw verses about submission to husbands paired consistently with verses about slaves submitting to masters. I read about women like Deborah leading Israel, Huldah delivering prophecy to kings, and Priscilla teaching the eloquent Apollos—all seemingly in violation of the "women can't lead or teach" interpretations I'd heard.
Meanwhile, I was living in a marriage where submission meant walking on eggshells, where my voice was regularly silenced, where I was "often pressured through emotional or physical intimidation" to comply with my husband's will. The fruit of this "biblical" submission was fear, not love. Anxiety, not peace. Division, not unity.
Something was wrong with this picture.
Permission to Question
Here's what I've learned: Scripture never contradicts itself, but our interpretations often do.
When we encounter what seem like contradictions in God's Word, it's usually an invitation to dig deeper, to examine our assumptions, to consider cultural context, and to ask the Holy Spirit for fresh understanding.
This isn't about doubting Scripture's authority—it's about ensuring we're actually understanding what Scripture says rather than what we've been told it says.
As I began studying with fresh eyes, I discovered something revolutionary: Paul wasn't establishing a hierarchy in Ephesians 5. He was describing a circle dance of mutual submission, with the husband's role being to love sacrificially (like Christ) and the wife's role being to respect and honor—all within the overarching framework of "submit to one another."
The Disjunctive Participle That Changed Everything
One of my breakthrough moments came when I learned about the Greek grammar in Ephesians 5:22. The verse "wives, submit to your husbands" doesn't actually contain the word "submit" in the original text. It borrows the verb from verse 21's command for everyone to "submit to one another."
This grammatical connection isn't accidental—it's intentional. Paul is saying that the wife's submission to her husband must be understood within the context of mutual submission. He's not creating an exception to mutual submission; he's providing an example of how it works.
Context Changes Everything
When I started paying attention to the broader context of submission passages, I noticed something striking: almost every time Paul or Peter tells wives to submit, they also tell slaves to submit to masters in the same breath, using the same language.
Do we believe God endorses slavery? Of course not. So why do we assume He endorses permanent female subordination?
The answer lies in understanding what these apostles were actually doing: they were showing believers how to live with Kingdom hearts within imperfect systems while simultaneously planting seeds that would eventually transform those systems.
Just as the gospel eventually undermined slavery (despite temporary accommodation), it was also destined to undermine gender-based hierarchy. We see this trajectory clearly when Paul declares that in Christ, "there is neither slave nor free, neither male nor female" (Galatians 3:28).
The Fruit Test
Jesus gave us a reliable way to test our interpretations: "By their fruit you will recognize them" (Matthew 7:16).
When I honestly examined the fruit of hierarchical marriage teaching, I saw:
Women silenced and diminished
Men burdened with unrealistic expectations of spiritual leadership
Marriages characterized by fear rather than love
Abuse justified in the name of "submission"
Gifted women prevented from using their God-given abilities
But when I began living mutual submission with Gregory, the fruit was entirely different:
Safety to be authentic and vulnerable
Decisions made through wisdom and agreement rather than unilateral authority
Both partners empowered to use their gifts fully
Love that flows freely in both directions
Unity that reflects the very nature of God
Wrestling Toward Truth
My journey wasn't easy. Questioning interpretations I'd held for decades felt scary, even dangerous. What if I was wrong? What if I was being deceived by culture rather than led by Scripture?
But here's what I discovered: God isn't threatened by our honest questions. He invites us to "come now, let us reason together" (Isaiah 1:18). The truth can withstand scrutiny because it is truth.
When we study Scripture with humility, cultural awareness, and attention to the overall trajectory of God's redemptive plan, we discover that apparent contradictions often reveal deeper, more beautiful truths than surface readings suggest.
An Invitation to Fresh Eyes
If you've been living with the tension of Scripture that seems to contradict itself, I want to offer you the same permission I finally gave myself: permission to question, to study, to seek the Holy Spirit's guidance with fresh eyes.
This doesn't mean abandoning reverence for God's Word—it means loving it enough to ensure we're truly understanding it rather than simply inheriting interpretations that may reflect cultural biases more than divine truth.
The God who promises to "guide us into all truth" (John 16:13) is faithful. When we approach His Word with humble hearts and honest questions, He reveals truths more beautiful and liberating than we could have imagined.
Your questions aren't a sign of weak faith—they're an invitation to deeper understanding. And that understanding may transform not just your theology, but your entire experience of relationship with God and others.
What questions have you been afraid to ask? What apparent contradictions in Scripture have troubled you? The journey toward truth begins with the courage to admit we might not have all the answers—and the faith to believe that God will guide us to His heart as we seek Him with sincere hearts.
Blessings,
Susan 😊