Why 'Final Authority' is the Wrong Question
"At the end of the day, who has the final authority to make the decision?"
This question gets asked in every discussion about leadership, whether in marriage, business, or church. It seems logical, practical, even necessary. But what if I told you that this question itself reveals how deeply we've been programmed by worldly power structures?
The question "Who has final authority?" is like asking, "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"—it contains an assumption that makes any answer problematic.
The Assumption Behind the Question
When someone asks about "final authority," they're assuming that:
Someone must always be "in charge"
Decisions can only be made through hierarchy
Authority means the power to overrule others
Without a clear chain of command, chaos will reign
But what if these assumptions are wrong? What if there's a completely different way to make decisions that doesn't require anyone to have "final authority"?
The False Dilemma
The "final authority" question presents a false dilemma: either someone has to be the boss, or there will be chaos. But this ignores a third option that Jesus demonstrated and Scripture teaches: mutual submission leading to unity.
When we frame decision-making as "Who gets to decide?" we're already operating from the world's pyramid system. We're asking the wrong question entirely.
The Right Questions
Instead of asking "Who has final authority?" we should be asking:
"How can we find God's wisdom together?"
"What does love require in this situation?"
"Who has the most insight about this particular issue?"
"How can we honor both perspectives?"
"What decision would best serve everyone involved?"
These questions lead to entirely different outcomes than the authority-based approach.
The Trinity Model
Look at how the Trinity functions. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit don't operate with one having "final authority" over the others. They operate in perfect unity, mutual submission, and shared purpose.
There's no power struggle in the Trinity, no need for a "tiebreaker," no hierarchy of authority. Yet they accomplish everything perfectly through love and unity.
This is the model for all Kingdom relationships.
The Marriage Example
People often ask about my marriage with Gregory: "But if you disagree on something important, who makes the final decision?"
The question assumes that disagreement must be resolved through one person overruling the other. But in 14 years of marriage, we've learned that when we can't agree on important things, it usually means we're both missing something.
Instead of asking "Who decides?" we ask:
"What are we not seeing?"
"What is God trying to show us?"
"How can we wait for clarity rather than force a decision?"
"What would love do in this situation?"
We move forward only when both of us have peace. This doesn't take longer—it takes wisdom. And the decisions we make together are far better than any decision either of us would make alone.
The Business Application
At Dewbrew Realty, people ask: "But you're the owner—don't you have final authority?"
Yes, I have legal responsibility. But that's very different from having "final authority" in the sense of always making decisions unilaterally.
When we needed to choose a database system, I could have made the final call. Instead, I listened to Maria Harvard, who had done the research and had expertise in that area. I asked, "What would you do, Maria?" and we implemented her recommendation.
The best decision wasn't the one I made—it was the one we made together.
The Wisdom-Based Approach
Rather than authority-based decision-making, Kingdom relationships use wisdom-based decision-making:
The person with the most relevant expertise leads the discussion
Everyone's input is valued and considered
Decisions are made through consensus rather than dominance
We wait for unity rather than forcing quick resolution
Love and service guide the process, not power and control
The Practical Objection
"But someone has to make the final call when there's a deadline!"
This objection assumes that quick decisions are always better than wise decisions. But how often do we see the devastating consequences of rushed decisions made by one person with "final authority"?
In most cases, the cost of waiting for wisdom is far less than the cost of making the wrong decision quickly.
And when urgent decisions truly must be made, healthy relationships have already established patterns of trust and wisdom that make quick consensus possible.
The Fear Factor
Why do we insist on "final authority" structures? Usually because we're afraid:
Afraid of not being in control
Afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of
Afraid of chaos or inefficiency
Afraid of not getting our way
But love casts out fear (1 John 4:18, NIV). When relationships are built on love rather than control, the need for "final authority" disappears.
The Control Illusion
Here's a hard truth: "Final authority" is often an illusion anyway. The person with supposed authority may be able to force compliance, but they can't force genuine cooperation, enthusiasm, or ownership.
Real influence comes from trust, wisdom, and love—not from position or title.
The Scriptural Pattern
Jesus had ultimate authority, yet He consistently chose the path of serving rather than commanding. He washed feet instead of demanding to be served. He asked questions instead of issuing orders. He laid down His life instead of exercising His power.
This is the pattern for all Kingdom leadership.
The Consensus Alternative
Instead of "final authority," Kingdom relationships operate through consensus—not the weak kind where everyone has to agree on everything, but the strong kind where everyone is committed to finding God's will together.
This means:
Taking time to understand each other's perspectives
Praying together for wisdom and guidance
Being willing to submit to each other's insights
Waiting for unity rather than forcing decisions
Trusting that God will guide us to the right answer
The Fruit of the Right Approach
When we abandon "final authority" thinking and embrace wisdom-based decision-making, beautiful fruit emerges:
Better decisions because more wisdom is applied
Stronger relationships because everyone feels valued
Greater ownership because everyone participates
Deeper trust because no one is bulldozed
Kingdom advancement because we're operating God's way
The Cornerstone Principle
There's a difference between being the cornerstone and being the dictator. The cornerstone:
Provides stability and foundation
Supports the structure without dominating it
Enables other stones to find their proper place
Serves the whole building's purpose
The cornerstone doesn't control every brick—it provides the foundation that allows all the other pieces to function properly.
The Servant Leadership Model
Jesus said, "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all" (Mark 10:43-44, NIV).
True leadership serves rather than dominates. It lifts others up rather than keeping them down. It creates space for others to flourish rather than demanding they follow orders.
The Real Authority
Here's the paradox: When we stop grasping for authority, we often discover we have more influence than we ever had when we were trying to control others.
People naturally follow those who serve them, lift them up, and genuinely care about their wellbeing. They resist those who demand submission and insist on their own way.
The Timing Factor
One of the beautiful aspects of wisdom-based decision-making is that it teaches us about God's timing. Sometimes the best decision is to wait until we have clarity rather than forcing a choice between imperfect options.
This requires faith and patience, but it often leads to solutions that are far better than anything we could have forced through "final authority."
The Cultural Programming
We've been so programmed by worldly power structures that we literally cannot imagine decision-making without hierarchy. We think someone must always be "in charge" or chaos will result.
But look at the most successful teams, marriages, and organizations—they're usually characterized by mutual respect, shared wisdom, and collaborative decision-making, not by one person having final authority over everyone else.
The Emotional Maturity Factor
"Final authority" structures often appeal to our emotional immaturity. They offer the comfort of clear rules and roles without requiring the vulnerability and growth that comes from genuine relationship.
But Kingdom relationships call us to grow up. They require us to:
Listen to others even when we disagree
Consider perspectives different from our own
Submit our will to God's will
Trust the process even when it's uncomfortable
Value relationships over being right
The Practical Steps
How do we move from "final authority" thinking to wisdom-based decision-making?
Start with prayer - Ask God to guide the process, not just the outcome
Listen first - Understand before seeking to be understood
Value all perspectives - Everyone has something to contribute
Look for win-win solutions - Seek outcomes that honor everyone
Wait for unity - Don't force decisions when there's significant disagreement
Trust the process - Believe that God will guide you to the right answer
The Objection About Emergencies
"But what about emergencies where someone has to make a quick decision?"
Even in emergencies, the person who acts isn't necessarily the person with "final authority"—it's usually the person with the most relevant expertise or the best position to respond.
Competence and circumstance often determine leadership more than position or title.
The Question of Accountability
"If no one has final authority, who's accountable when things go wrong?"
This question assumes that accountability requires hierarchy. But shared authority can create shared accountability, where everyone takes responsibility for outcomes because everyone participated in decisions.
This often creates stronger accountability than hierarchical structures, where people can blame "the boss" when things go wrong.
The Vision Keeper Role
There is one legitimate role that might look like "final authority" but is actually something different: the vision keeper. This is the person who:
Initiated the organization, family, or project
Maintains the core values and vision
Has the most to lose if things go wrong
Takes ultimate responsibility for outcomes
But even vision keepers don't operate through "final authority"—they operate through influence, wisdom, and the respect they've earned through service.
The Freedom Factor
One of the most beautiful aspects of abandoning "final authority" structures is the freedom it creates. When no one is trying to control everyone else, everyone has space to be authentic and contribute their gifts.
This doesn't create chaos—it creates the kind of environment where people naturally want to cooperate and contribute.
The Kingdom Alternative
Instead of asking "Who has final authority?" Kingdom relationships ask:
"How can we serve each other?"
"What would love do in this situation?"
"How can we find God's wisdom together?"
"What decision would best honor everyone involved?"
"How can we create win-win outcomes?"
These questions lead to decisions that are not only better but that strengthen relationships and build trust.
The Transformation Process
Moving from "final authority" thinking to wisdom-based decision-making is a process. It requires:
Humility to admit we don't have all the answers
Courage to trust others with significant input
Patience to wait for consensus rather than forcing decisions
Faith to believe that God will guide us to good outcomes
Love to put others' wellbeing before our own preferences
The Fruit of the Process
When we embrace this approach, we discover that:
Decisions are better because more wisdom is applied
Relationships are stronger because everyone feels valued
Outcomes are more successful because everyone is invested
Growth happens because we're forced to mature
God's Kingdom is advanced because we're operating His way
The Final Question
So here's the real question: Are you ready to stop asking "Who has final authority?" and start asking "How can we find God's wisdom together?"
Are you ready to trust that God's Kingdom operates differently than the world's systems? Are you ready to discover that mutual submission creates better outcomes than hierarchical control?
The question isn't who has final authority—the question is whether we're willing to submit to God's way of doing relationships.
His way is better. His way creates life. His way produces fruit that lasts.
Welcome to Kingdom decision-making, where wisdom trumps authority and love conquers control.
Blessings,
Susan 😊