Why I Stopped Being Afraid of Strong Women (And You Should Too)

A message for men who think mutual submission threatens their masculinity

The first time I heard someone describe my message about mutual submission in marriage, a man in the back of the room crossed his arms and said, "So you're just trying to turn women into men and make men weak?"

I get it. I really do. When you've been taught your whole life that being "the man" means being in charge, the idea of mutual submission can feel threatening. Like somehow you're being asked to hand in your man card.

But here's what I've learned from living this out with my husband Gregory for 14 years: nothing could be further from the truth.

The Man Who Raised Me to Respect Strength

Gregory didn't come to this understanding overnight. He was raised by a single mother in a rough area—a woman he describes as "the Barbara Eden of Harper Valley PTA." She was beautiful, strong, and fiercely independent. And she taught him something revolutionary: men and women are co-equals.

"My mom never really forced that issue," Gregory told me recently, "but she taught me that men and women are equal, co-equal."

When Gregory gave his life to Christ at 29, he'd read certain passages in Scripture and think, "That just ain't... that can't be right. It wouldn't set right." He didn't have the theological language for what he felt, but something in his spirit rebelled against the idea that God designed women to be inferior.

Then God brought us together, and I gave him the words for what he already knew in his heart.

What Real Masculinity Looks Like

Let me paint you a picture of my Gregory. He's six feet tall with shoulders that seem nearly as wide. He was raised in a rough area and wouldn't be afraid to fight to defend those weaker than him—which includes me. That power has never once been used to intimidate me to get his own way. Never even an insinuation of force. Not physically. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not once. Ever.

This is what real masculinity looks like: power that protects rather than controls.

Gregory is all man—don't mistake me. God created masculinity, and when it's authentic, it is incredibly powerful, and there's nothing toxic about it. My Gregory is living proof!

Every morning, Gregory begins his day with quiet time with the Lord, crafting a daily devotional called "The Daily Vitamin." For over fifteen years, he has faithfully shared these spiritual insights, touching countless lives with wisdom and encouragement. Then he wraps his arms around me and reads what the Lord revealed during his morning quiet time.

This is spiritual leadership—not leadership of control, but loving initiative that draws others closer to Christ.

The Strength That Serves

For over twenty years, Gregory poured his life into founding and building Harvesting-In-Mansfield (HIM), which became one of the largest private food banks and pantries in the Dallas Fort Worth area. Through his leadership, HIM grew to feed hundreds of families directly each month and supply food to approximately 70 other pantries throughout the Metroplex.

Gregory spent countless hours serving those who could give him nothing in return. This is the heart of Christ made visible—power used not to control but to lift up the vulnerable.

And here's what amazes me most: Gregory supports my writing that challenges male authority—even though as a male minister, he could easily feel threatened by it. Instead, he's always lifting me up, encouraging me to be and do all that God has put in my heart. This even includes teaching the world that men don't have a God-given right to rule over women.

How's that for secure masculinity?

Why Mutual Submission Makes Men Stronger, Not Weaker

The beautiful irony is that mutual submission doesn't weaken men—it reveals their true strength. When Gregory chooses to honor me, serve me, and consider my wisdom equal to his own, he's not being weak. He's being Christ-like.

"Think about it: Jesus was the most powerful person who ever lived, yet He 'did not come to be served, but to serve' (Matthew 20:28, NASB). He washed feet. He laid down His life. Was Jesus weak? Hardly."

The world's definition of masculinity is about dominance and control. The Kingdom's definition is about protection and empowerment. Gregory doesn't need to diminish me to feel big. His greatness is found in how he lifts others up.

The Freedom of True Partnership

When we were considering moving to a new home, we didn't approach it as "Gregory's decision." We prayed together, discussed our priorities, and remained open to God's guidance through each other. Sometimes I had stronger insights; other times, Gregory saw things I missed.

This approach doesn't create chaos—it creates strength. Our mutual decision-making produces choices that we both fully own and support. We never fall into blaming and shaming. We're rooted in unified wisdom rather than unilateral authority.

For smaller matters, we typically defer to each other's strengths. I'm more numbers and contracts oriented, so those responsibilities frequently fall to me. Gregory is tech-savvy, so he handles that. It's not about gender roles—it's about gifts and partnership.

A Challenge to Men

I want to speak directly to the men reading this: Your wife's strength doesn't threaten your masculinity—it complements it. Her wisdom doesn't diminish your leadership—it enhances it. Her gifts don't compete with yours—they complete the picture of what you can accomplish together.

The man who needs his wife to be small so he can feel big isn't strong—he's insecure. The man who can celebrate his wife's gifts, honor her insights, and serve her dreams while she does the same for him? That's a man walking in Kingdom authority.

As Gregory says, "God took two wholes and made them one. He didn't take two halves. Because if I'm looking for her to fulfill me, then it's never going to happen. Or if she's looking for me to fulfill her, that won't happen."

The Invitation

My invitation to men isn't to become weak—it's to become truly strong. Not the brittle strength that demands control, but the unshakeable strength that serves love. Not the hollow strength that needs others to submit, but the authentic strength that empowers others to flourish.

This is the strength of Christ. This is the masculinity of the Kingdom. And this is what the world is desperate to see from the men of God.

Your wife doesn't need you to be her boss. She needs you to be her champion, her protector, her biggest supporter, and her co-laborer in the Kingdom. She needs you to be the kind of man that makes her want to follow—not because she has to, but because she gets to.

That's the kind of man Gregory is. That's the kind of marriage we have. And that's the invitation God is extending to every man bold enough to lay down the world's definition of masculinity and pick up the Kingdom's.

The question isn't whether you're man enough to be in charge. The question is whether you're man enough to serve love.

I believe you are.

Blessings,
Susan 😊