Why Men Need Women's Freedom Too: Breaking Free from the Zero-Sum Game
In a world where power is seen as a zero-sum game—where if I give you some, I have to lose some—many men view women's empowerment as a threat to their own significance. I understand this fear, and I want to address it directly.
But here's what I've discovered through my journey and my marriage to Gregory: in God's Kingdom, power doesn't operate like a seesaw where someone has to be up while someone else is down. Kingdom power operates through love, which multiplies when it's given away rather than diminishing.
The beautiful truth is this: men don't become less when women become more. In fact, the opposite is true—when women are fully free to be who God created them to be, men discover more of who they were meant to be as well.
The Seesaw Mentality
Much of our culture operates on what I call the "seesaw mentality"—the assumption that for one group to rise, another must fall. We see this playing out in various areas:
In higher education, where women now make up about 70% of college students compared to men's former dominance, some men feel displaced and unnecessary. In the workplace, as women gain opportunities that were once exclusively male, some men feel their identity and worth are under attack.
The response has been predictable: movements that either try to put men "back on top" or that demonize masculinity altogether. Both responses miss the point entirely because both still operate from the worldly pyramid system that Jesus came to overturn.
The problem isn't that women are taking men's rightful place. The problem is that we're still thinking in terms of "rightful places" within a hierarchical system instead of recognizing that God designed something entirely different.
When the Enemy Wins Through Division
The enemy doesn't care what spectrum we're on—he just wants division. Whether that's men dominating women, women dominating men, one race oppressing another, or any other form of hierarchical control, Satan's goal is the same: keep God's people divided so they can't reflect His image through unity.
Here's what I've learned: the enemy became afraid of masculinity, so culture began to suppress it. But the solution isn't to restore "toxic masculinity"—it's to restore authentic masculinity that reflects the heart of Christ.
When men try to maintain their identity through dominance and control, they're actually operating in a counterfeit version of masculinity. Real masculinity—the kind God designed—finds its strength in protection, empowerment, and service, not in subjugation.
The Love-Based System
In God's Kingdom, we're not asking men to relinquish power. We're asking men to step out of the power system entirely and into love, understanding that love operates on completely different principles.
Here's the difference:
In power-based systems:
Resources are limited
Someone must win and someone must lose
Strength is measured by control over others
Success means being on top
Relationships are competitive
In love-based systems:
Resources multiply when shared
Everyone can win together
Strength is measured by the ability to lift others up
Success means everyone rising together
Relationships are collaborative
When men understand this distinction, everything changes. Instead of feeling threatened by women's gifts and callings, they become champions of them. Instead of competing with women, they partner with them.
The Gregory Example
My husband Gregory is living proof that empowering women doesn't diminish men—it actually reveals more of their true strength and identity.
Gregory embodies traditional masculinity. Standing six feet tall with a remarkably broad frame, he grew up in a tough neighborhood and would never hesitate to use force to protect vulnerable people. Yet despite his imposing build and masculine demeanor, he has never leveraged that power to control or coerce me in any way—not through physical force, not through money, not through emotional manipulation. Not a single time.
Instead, Gregory uses his strength to:
Protect and provide for those who can't protect themselves (through his food bank ministry)
Empower me to write and teach about topics that could make other men feel threatened
Serve others without expecting anything in return
Lead through love rather than force
Gregory supports my ministry that challenges male authority, even though as a male minister, he could easily feel threatened by it. He's always lifting me up, encouraging me to be and do all that God has put in my heart—even when that includes teaching the world that men don't have a God-given right to rule over women.
His masculinity isn't threatened by my empowerment—it's enhanced by it. Because he's secure in who God created him to be, he can celebrate who God created me to be without feeling diminished.
The Multiplication Effect
Here's what I've discovered in our marriage: when Gregory empowers me to be fully who God created me to be, it doesn't make him less of a man—it makes him more of one. When I honor and respect him not out of obligation but out of genuine appreciation for his character, it doesn't make me less of a woman—it makes me more of one.
This is the multiplication effect of love. Gregory's self-giving love makes me want to love him more deeply in return. His affection fills my love tank physically and emotionally, which creates in me a desire to do the same for him. His love helps me love better, and my love helps him love better.
We both go higher. We both become more fully ourselves. We both discover gifts and capacities we didn't know we had.
This is exactly what Paul described in Ephesians 5:21-33. It's not a hierarchy but a dance of mutual honor that elevates both partners.
The Cultural Moment
We're living in a unique cultural moment where many young men feel displaced and purposeless. They see women succeeding in areas that were once exclusively male domains, and instead of celebrating this as evidence of God's image being more fully revealed, they feel threatened.
Some retreat into gaming and virtual worlds where they can feel powerful. Others embrace ideologies that promise to restore their dominance. Still others simply check out of relationships and responsibilities altogether.
But what if there's another way? What if men could discover that their significance doesn't come from being "large and in charge" but from being conduits of God's love and strength in the world?
What if men realized that by making room for women to flourish, they create space for themselves to flourish in ways they never imagined?
The Mordecai Calling
In the book of Esther, we see a beautiful picture of this principle at work. Mordecai could have felt threatened by Esther's rise to influence and power. Instead, he became her champion, her advisor, her supporter. He understood that her success was his success, her victory was his victory.
Mordecai didn't become less significant when Esther became queen—he became more significant because he played a crucial role in her success.
I believe God is calling men today to embrace their "Mordecai calling"—to be the ones who make room for the Esthers He's raising up "for such a time as this." This isn't about men becoming passive or weak. It's about men discovering a different kind of strength—the strength that comes from empowering others rather than controlling them.
Beyond Toxic and Passive
The cultural conversation about masculinity often presents two options: toxic masculinity (dominance, aggression, emotional suppression) or passive masculinity (weakness, feminization, abdication of responsibility). But both options miss the mark.
God designed authentic masculinity that is:
Strong but gentle
Protective but not controlling
Leading through service rather than dominance
Confident but not arrogant
Powerful but not oppressive
This kind of masculinity doesn't feel threatened by strong women—it celebrates them. It doesn't need to diminish others to feel significant—it finds significance in lifting others up.
The Invitation
If you're a man reading this, I want to invite you into something beautiful and life-giving. Instead of seeing women's empowerment as a threat to your identity, what if you saw it as an invitation to discover who you really are?
Instead of trying to maintain your position in a hierarchy that was never God's design, what if you stepped into the role of champion, advocate, and empowerer?
Instead of competing with the women in your life, what if you partnered with them to reflect God's image more fully than either of you could alone?
This isn't about diminishing your strength or significance. It's about discovering what real strength and significance look like in God's Kingdom.
The Promise
Here's what I can promise you: when you stop trying to maintain your identity through dominance and start discovering it through love, something amazing happens. You don't become less of a man—you become more of the man God created you to be.
When you empower the women in your life to be fully themselves, you create space for yourself to be fully you. When you stop competing and start collaborating, everyone wins.
This is the irony and the beauty of the Kingdom: we both go higher when we lift each other up.
The enemy wants to keep us divided, competing, and threatened by each other's success. But God has a better way—a way where men and women together reflect His image more fully than either could alone.
The question isn't whether you're man enough to stay on top. The question is whether you're man enough to step into the kind of strength that lifts everyone up.
That's not weakness. That's the heart of Christ made visible. And the world desperately needs to see it.
Are you ready to discover what real masculine strength looks like? It starts with celebrating the women God has placed in your life and ends with both of you becoming more than you ever thought possible.
Blessings,
Susan 😊