The 70s Liberation Lie vs. Kingdom Freedom: Why Secular Feminism Isn't the Answer Either
I wasn't raised in church, so I didn't come into adulthood with a lot of preconceived ideas about the role of men and women. The world just was the way it was, and you accepted things as they were—although there were times it was deeply confusing.
Being a girl growing up in the 70s was a particularly rough time because you really did believe you were supposed to do everything. The cultural anthem was "I am woman, hear me roar," paired with that jingle that perfectly captured the impossible expectations: "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you're a man."
The message was clear: I can earn the money, I can be successful in the world, I can achieve financial and political success, but I'm not going to give up any of those traditional roles at home, and I'm also never going to outshine the man.
When you talked about it, this didn't feel like a ball and chain. It felt liberating. But when you tried to live it out? It felt very heavy, and you always felt like you could never be enough—never a good enough mom, never a good enough employee, never a good enough wife.
The Double-Edged Sword of "Liberation"
What we now call women's liberation was, in many ways, a double-edged sword. On one hand, it opened doors that had been closed to women for generations. On the other hand, it created crushing expectations that were just as oppressive as the traditional roles it was supposedly replacing.
The secular feminist movement told women we could "have it all"—but what it really meant was we had to "do it all." Instead of being freed from unrealistic expectations, we were simply given more of them.
Where traditional culture said, "Your worth comes from being a perfect wife and mother," secular feminism said, "Your worth comes from being a perfect wife, mother, and career woman." The cage got bigger, but it was still a cage.
Even worse, this movement often pitted women against men, creating an adversarial relationship where someone always had to be winning and someone always had to be losing. It operated on the same hierarchical, power-based system it claimed to oppose—it just wanted to flip who was on top.
The Pressure to Do Everything
After I had children, I was blessed to be able to stay home with them—something I was passionate about because I simply could not bring myself to put them in daycare. (There's nothing wrong with daycare if you need it—no stones, no judgment at all. We're all doing the best we can. The main thing is to never disconnect from our children's hearts.)
But even as a stay-at-home mom, I felt the pressure to justify my choice. I learned to make money from home so I could contribute financially while still being present for my kids. The world that had promised to celebrate all choices suddenly looked down on women who chose the traditional path.
When I left the corporate world to focus on motherhood, people started to look at me differently. How could I be significant if I wasn't out there on the front lines making a difference? The same culture that said I could do anything seemed to whisper that choosing motherhood meant I was doing nothing of real value.
This constant internal struggle—the rustle of "who am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to be doing?"—became exhausting. I was caught between competing messages about my worth and purpose, and I didn't yet have a relationship with the Lord where I was clearly hearing His voice about my identity and calling.
When I Found the Church... and New Constraints
When I got born again at 35 and started attending a traditional church, there was initially some relief in their teaching about women's roles. After years of trying to juggle impossible expectations, there was something appealing about being told that my primary calling was to be a wife and mother—that I was being celebrated for the choices I'd already made.
For a moment, it felt like someone was finally saying, "You don't have to do everything or be everything. You can focus on what matters most."
But as I grew in my faith and began to hear God's voice more clearly, I realized I'd simply traded one set of constraints for another. Instead of being told I had to excel in every area, I was now being told I was limited to only certain areas.
Both messages missed the truth: my worth doesn't come from what I do—whether that's achieving in the marketplace or excelling in the home. My worth comes from who I am as a daughter of God, created in His image, gifted uniquely for His purposes.
The Kingdom Alternative
Here's what I've discovered through my journey: neither secular feminism nor traditional complementarianism offers the freedom God intended. Both operate from the same flawed foundation—they're both pyramid-based power systems that measure worth through performance and position.
Secular feminism says women must climb to the top of the worldly pyramid to prove their worth. Traditional complementarianism says women should accept their place at a certain level of the pyramid and find their worth there. Both miss the revolutionary truth that Jesus came to overturn the pyramid entirely.
God's Kingdom operates on completely different principles:
Instead of competing for position, we serve one another in love. Instead of measuring worth by achievement, we find identity in being His beloved. Instead of fighting over who gets to be in charge, we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Instead of limiting people based on gender, we release them according to their God-given gifts and calling.
True Liberation vs. False Liberation
Real liberation isn't about having unlimited choices or achieving perfect balance in all areas of life. Real liberation is about being free to become who God created us to be, without the constraints of worldly expectations—whether those expectations come from traditional or progressive culture.
True freedom means:
A woman can choose to focus on motherhood without being seen as less ambitious
A woman can pursue a career without being seen as neglecting her family
A woman can lead in areas where she's gifted without being labeled rebellious
A woman can follow someone else's leadership without being seen as weak
A man can support his wife's calling without feeling diminished
A man can be nurturing and gentle without being seen as less masculine
Both partners can contribute their gifts to their marriage and family without rigid role restrictions
This is the freedom Jesus died to give us—not the freedom to do whatever we want, but the freedom to become who we were created to be.
Beyond the False Choice
For too long, women have been presented with a false choice: you can either embrace traditional roles and accept limitations on your voice and gifts, or you can reject traditional values and fight for position in a man's world.
But God offers a third way—a Kingdom way that transcends both options.
In God's Kingdom:
Strength and gentleness aren't opposites—they're complementary
Leadership and submission aren't hierarchical positions—they're mutual expressions of love
Traditional roles aren't restrictions—they're choices that can be made freely when they align with gifts and calling
Career success isn't proof of worth—it's one way (among many) to use our talents for God's glory
The Personal Journey
Looking back on my journey from the confusion of 70s feminism through traditional church teaching to Kingdom understanding, I see God's grace at every step. Even the painful parts—the impossible expectations, the crushing pressure, the years of confusion—were all part of His process of bringing me to truth.
The women's liberation movement, for all its flaws, did challenge some genuinely oppressive structures. The traditional church, for all its limitations, did affirm the value of roles that the world had begun to despise. But neither went far enough in revealing God's true design for human relationships.
It took a supernatural encounter in my garage, a vivid dream about spiritual diagnosis, and years of studying Scripture in its original context to finally understand what God had intended all along.
The Real Revolution
The real revolution isn't women taking over men's roles or men protecting their territory from women. The real revolution is both genders laying down the need to compete for position and picking up the call to serve one another in love.
This revolution says:
Your worth isn't based on your performance in any role
Your identity comes from being God's beloved child
Your purpose is to reflect His image through the unique gifts He's given you
Your relationships are meant to be partnerships of mutual honor and service
Your freedom comes not from unlimited choices but from choosing to align with His design
An Invitation to True Freedom
If you're exhausted from trying to "have it all" according to the world's definition, there's another way. If you're frustrated by limitations that don't seem to align with how God has gifted you, there's hope for something better.
The Kingdom of God offers what neither secular feminism nor traditional complementarianism can deliver: the freedom to be fully who God created you to be, in partnership with others who are doing the same.
This isn't about women versus men, traditional versus progressive, or any other false dichotomy. This is about all of us—male and female—discovering the radical freedom that comes from mutual submission, mutual honor, and mutual love.
The 70s promised liberation through independence. The traditional church promised security through dependence. But God offers something better: freedom through interdependence—the beautiful dance of mutual submission that reflects the very heart of the Trinity.
That's not just liberation. That's transformation. And it's available to anyone willing to lay down the world's definitions of success and worth in favor of God's revolutionary design for human relationships.
The question isn't whether you're strong enough to climb the pyramid or humble enough to accept your place on it. The question is whether you're ready to step out of the pyramid entirely and into the Kingdom reality Jesus died to establish.
That's where true freedom lives.
Blessings,
Susan 😊