Breaking Free from Institutional Loyalty
For twenty-two years, I carried a weight that was never mine to bear. I believed with every fiber of my being that God had called me to be a bridge—specifically, a bridge to bring wounded people back to the institution that had wounded them.
Looking back now, I can see how deeply I had been indoctrinated. I was convinced that this particular religious system was God's favorite, the one true way to serve Jesus. I genuinely believed that people who had been hurt and burned by this institution just needed someone like me to help them see past their pain and return to the fold.
I was so wrong.
The Most Abusive System I Ever Knew
The institution I served for over two decades was the most spiritually abusive system I had ever encountered. It shaped my most formative years—from preteen through young motherhood—embedding beliefs so deeply that I couldn't see the toxicity for what it was.
We believed we were God's chosen people, His favorites. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, many churches and religious organizations fall into this trap, convincing their members that they alone have the corner market on truth, that leaving means abandoning God himself.
The system was oppressive in ways I couldn't even articulate at the time. It demanded absolute loyalty, discouraged questions, and punished those who dared to suggest that there might be other ways to love and serve Jesus. Yet I stayed fifteen years past the point of comfort because I had been trained to believe that leaving would make me a "church hopper," a "disgruntled Christian," someone who wasn't committed to working through difficulties.
The False Calling That Kept Me Trapped
The most insidious part of my entrapment was the calling I believed God had given me: to be a bridge for people who had left this institution. I was convinced that my purpose was to help the wounded find their way back.
This false calling kept me bound in several destructive ways:
It made me complicit in the system's abuse. By trying to bring people back, I was essentially validating the institution's claim that it was worth returning to, despite its harmful practices.
It placed the burden of reconciliation on the victims. Instead of demanding that the institution change its abusive patterns, I was asking the wounded to overlook their pain and give it another chance.
It prevented me from seeing the truth about the system. As long as I believed my calling was to defend and promote this institution, I couldn't honestly evaluate whether it was healthy or harmful.
It kept me from discovering my true purpose. God had genuine callings on my life, but I couldn't hear them while I was so focused on serving this false mission.
The Day the Light Turned On
Finally, after twenty-two years, the light turned on. I can still remember the moment when clarity broke through the fog of indoctrination:
Bridge to Jesus, Susan. Bridge to Jesus.
The calling I thought I'd received wasn't from God at all. It was programming from a system that needed people like me to keep feeding it fresh victims. My true calling was never to bring people back to an abusive institution—it was to help them find their way to Jesus himself, free from the toxic structures that had wounded them.
This revelation was both liberating and heartbreaking. Liberating because it meant I could finally acknowledge the truth about the abuse I'd witnessed and experienced. Heartbreaking because it meant facing how many years I'd wasted and how many people I'd potentially led back into harm.
The One True Way Deception
One of the most damaging beliefs embedded in these systems is the idea that there's only one way to "do church," only one way to serve Jesus. This isn't just arrogance—it's a control mechanism designed to prevent people from leaving.
When you believe that your particular institution is God's only approved method of faith, leaving feels like abandoning God himself. You'll endure incredible abuse rather than risk your eternal soul by walking away.
But here's what I discovered: God is so much bigger than any one institution. Jesus didn't establish denominations or religious corporations. He established relationships—with himself and with one another. The Kingdom of God isn't confined to any building, organization, or human structure.
There are countless ways to love and serve Jesus:
In house churches that prioritize authentic community
In traditional churches that genuinely care for their people
In ministries focused on serving the marginalized
In business settings where Kingdom principles guide operations
In families where mutual love and submission create safe spaces
In friendships where people truly see and value one another
Recognizing Institutional Indoctrination
How do you know if you're trapped in unhealthy institutional loyalty? Here are some warning signs I wish I'd recognized earlier:
Exclusive Claims: The organization presents itself as the only legitimate way to serve God or find truth.
Punishment for Questions: Doubt or curiosity about practices is met with shame, correction, or social pressure.
Us vs. Them Mentality: Members are taught to view those outside the organization with suspicion or pity.
Leader Immunity: Leadership mistakes are explained away while member failures are highlighted and corrected.
Exit Costs: Leaving the organization means losing relationships, support systems, or identity.
Mission Override: The organization's mission takes precedence over individual wellbeing or family health.
Loyalty Tests: Members are regularly asked to prove their commitment through sacrifice, submission, or service.
The Matthew 18 Trap
One of the tools these systems use to keep people trapped is the misapplication of Matthew 18. When someone raises concerns about abuse or harmful practices, they're told they must first confront the abuser privately, then bring witnesses, then involve the church.
But Matthew 18 doesn't work when you're dealing with abusive power structures because:
Abusers don't operate in good faith—they manipulate every interaction
Power imbalances make genuine reconciliation impossible
Confrontation often leads to escalated abuse rather than resolution
The system is designed to protect itself, not the victims
I stayed for fifteen years past comfort partly because I was trying to "do Matthew 18 right." What I didn't understand is that you can't use conflict resolution tools designed for equals when dealing with predatory behavior.
Freedom from False Burdens
The day I realized I was called to be a bridge to Jesus rather than to any human institution was the day I began to discover my true purpose. Suddenly, I could:
See clearly the abuse I'd been overlooking or excusing Validate the pain of people who had been wounded by the system Redirect my energy toward actual healing rather than institutional loyalty Discover the gifts and callings God had placed in my life Help others find Jesus outside the confines of toxic structures
This shift didn't happen overnight. After two decades of indoctrination, it took time to retrain my thinking and learn to trust my own spiritual discernment. But each step toward freedom revealed more of God's true heart and character.
If You're Carrying Someone Else's Burden
Maybe you're reading this and recognizing yourself. Maybe you've been convinced that your calling is to defend an institution, to keep people connected to an organization, to be loyal to leadership even when they're causing harm.
Let me offer you the same grace that was offered to me: You are not responsible for maintaining toxic systems. Your calling is not to protect institutions at the expense of people. You are not the bridge back to anything that wounds God's children.
Consider these questions:
What burden have you been carrying that doesn't actually belong to you?
What institution has convinced you that serving it equals serving God?
What calling have you accepted that keeps you from hearing God's true voice?
What loyalty are you maintaining that prevents you from acknowledging harmful truth?
Bridge to Jesus
Here's what I know now that I wish I'd known twenty-two years ago: Jesus doesn't need us to defend broken institutions. He needs us to love people toward healing and freedom. He needs us to create safe spaces where wounded souls can encounter His true heart.
My calling was never to bring people back to a system that had hurt them. My calling was—and is—to help people find Jesus in all His beauty, free from the distortions and manipulations of human religious structures.
If you've been wounded by an institution, you don't need to return to prove your spiritual maturity. You need to find healing. If you've been serving a false calling that protects systems over people, you're not abandoning God by walking away—you're walking toward Him.
The bridge I was meant to build was never about institutional loyalty. It was about helping wounded people find their way to the One who makes all things new, who heals every hurt, who offers freedom from every form of bondage—including religious bondage.
Bridge to Jesus. That's the calling worth spending a lifetime pursuing.
Sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is walk away from what we've been told is sacred so we can discover what actually is. Sometimes freedom requires us to disappoint the institution so we can finally please our Father.
The bridge you're meant to build may not be the one you've been convinced you should construct. But when you discover your true calling—when you become a bridge to Jesus rather than to human systems—you'll find that this work is more beautiful, more life-giving, and more eternally significant than any institutional loyalty could ever be.
God's Kingdom is so much bigger than our small understanding of it. And He's calling you to something far greater than defending what man has built.
The question is: Are you ready to let go of the bridge you were never meant to build?
Blessings,
Susan 😊