The Curse We're Still Living Out

Let me say something that might make you uncomfortable: If you believe it is your divine prerogative as a man to have your own way—that your way is right and therefore others should submit because that's how God designed the divine order—then you're actually reinforcing the curse in your own home. And you're doing it under a religious lie that makes you feel righteous about it.

That's a hard word, I know. But it's true.

The Original Design vs. The Curse

Go back to Genesis with me. Before the fall, Adam and Eve walked together in perfect unity with God and each other. There was no power struggle. No dominance. No control. Just partnership, love, and mutual honor.

Then sin entered the picture.

And God said to Eve: "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" (Genesis 3:16, NASB).

This is the curse. Not God's design—the curse. It's what happens when relationships are broken by sin. It's the introduction of power dynamics where they were never meant to exist.

For thousands of years, humanity has lived under this curse. Men ruling over women. Power flowing one direction. Dominance replacing partnership.

And here's the tragic part: We've taken this curse—this consequence of sin—and baptized it as God's design. We've built entire theological systems around the idea that male authority is how God intended things to be from the beginning.

The Curse in 21st Century Homes

"But Susan," you might say, "we don't live under the curse anymore. We're in the 21st century. Women have rights now."

Do we? Really?

Look, I don't want to minimize how far we've come. I'm deeply grateful that I can vote, earn wages, own property, and leave an abusive marriage. These freedoms are precious, and women fought hard for them.

But let's be honest: The curse is still playing out.

We're still making 70 cents on the dollar. We're still underrepresented in leadership. We're still told—often by the church—that our gender disqualifies us from certain roles. We're still fighting battles our grandmothers fought, battles our great-grandmothers fought.

The systemic power structures are still there. The curse is still active.

And in many Christian homes—even among genuinely good men who love their wives—these dynamics persist under the banner of "biblical manhood" and "complementarianism."

The "Good Man" Problem

This is where it gets complicated. Because I'm not just talking about abusive husbands or toxic masculinity. I'm talking about kind, loving men who genuinely believe they're following Scripture when they assume final authority in their homes.

Let me paint you a picture.

He's a good man. He loves his wife. He would never physically harm her. He works hard, provides well, and genuinely wants what's best for his family. He's been taught—maybe his whole life—that it's not just his prerogative but his responsibility to be the head of the house.

So when big decisions come up, he prays, he seeks counsel, he considers his wife's input. But at the end of the day, if they disagree, he believes the decision falls to him. Because that's what "headship" means, right?

And here's what happens: Even with the best intentions, the relationship becomes twisted.

His wife knows he's kind. She knows he loves her. So when she has a strong opinion that differs from his, she holds back. He's so kind. Why would I push back when I know he wants something else? She silences herself out of love for him, never realizing she's also silencing herself out of an unbiblical power structure.

This isn't the beautiful dance of mutual submission. This is two people awkwardly moving around an elephant in the room—an elephant that was never supposed to be there to begin with.

The Complimentarian Contradiction

Here's what I've observed over years of ministry and real estate work: There are actually two kinds of complementarian marriages.

Type 1: They believe the husband is head of the house, and they live it out. He makes the final decisions. She defers. There's a clear hierarchy, and they follow it.

Type 2: They believe the husband is head of the house, but in practice, they operate with mutual honor, mutual respect, mutual decision-making. They make decisions together as equal partners.

The first type is at least consistent, even if I believe they're living under the curse rather than under God's Kingdom design.

But the second type? That's hypocrisy. And I mean that not as an insult but as a simple statement of fact: If you claim to believe in male headship but you actually practice mutual submission, your theology has become a false narrative.

Stop saying you believe something you're not actually living out. Your actions reveal what you truly believe about God's design.

"Separate But Equal" Never Works

Complementarians often say, "Men and women are equal in their humanity but not equal in their roles."

Where have we heard this before?

After slavery ended in America, we tried "separate but equal." Separate schools. Separate facilities. Same humanity, different roles.

It didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.

You cannot be separate and equal. Either you're the same ontologically—the same in your fundamental worth and capacity—or you're not.

The moment we define someone's role based solely on their gender, we've created a hierarchy. And hierarchy, by definition, means some people have priority over others.

The Heart of the Problem

At the core, here's what's happening: When we violate the nature of freedom, we violate the nature of love. And when we violate the nature of love, we violate the Gospel of God's Kingdom.

God doesn't force us to obey Him. He invites us. He woos us. He gives us genuine choice—even the choice to reject Him.

Love requires freedom. Always.

When a husband believes he has the right—or even the responsibility—to make the final call, he's operating in a system where his wife doesn't have full freedom. Oh, he might say she's free to share her opinion. But if he has the ultimate authority to override her, that's not freedom. That's not partnership. That's not mutual submission.

And it's not God's Kingdom.

The Pain on All Sides

I need to be clear about something: I'm not dismissing the pain that men are feeling right now.

We're living in a cultural moment where many men feel displaced. Feminism has pushed back against male dominance, and in some cases has swung too far the other direction—simply reversing the power dynamic rather than dismantling it.

Men who have been told their whole lives that they should be "the head" are now being told they're toxic for believing what they were taught. That's genuinely painful, and we need to acknowledge it.

But—and this is important—the answer isn't to reinforce the old hierarchies. The answer isn't to push back against women's equality. The answer is to recognize that both the original male dominance AND the feminist reversal are operating in the wrong kingdom.

We need to stop playing power games altogether. We need to stop the seesaw effect where power shifts from one side to the other but never transforms into something different.

The answer, for both men and women, is still the cross. It's still self-giving love. It's still mutual submission in the fear of Christ.

What About Race?

I'm going to say something that might make some people uncomfortable, but it needs to be said: When I hear men complaining that they feel displaced because women are gaining power, it sounds a lot like when I hear white people complaining that they feel uncomfortable because Black people are speaking up.

"Why are they so angry? Why are they making us feel bad? We've given them so much already!"

Friends, if equality for others makes you feel like you're losing power, you need to examine whether you ever should have had that power to begin with.

The same principle applies to gender. Women gaining equality isn't a threat to men—unless men have been operating in unbiblical authority that they're afraid to lose.

This isn't about putting men down. It's not about diminishing masculinity. It's about recognizing that authentic masculinity—the kind God created—doesn't need to control women in order to be powerful.

Breaking the Cycle

So how do we break free from the curse?

We start by naming it. We stop pretending that male dominance is God's design and start calling it what it is: a consequence of the fall that Jesus came to redeem.

We look at Genesis 3 and say, "This is the curse. And in Christ, the curse is broken."

We look at Ephesians 5:21 and say, "Submit to one another. That's the foundation. That's God's Kingdom design."

We stop adding religious justification to power structures that were never meant to exist.

And we start living out the freedom that Christ died to give us—freedom from sin, freedom from death, and yes, freedom from the power dynamics that the curse introduced.

The Hope

Here's the beautiful truth: The curse doesn't have to define our relationships anymore.

Christ came to redeem all things. That includes the power struggles between men and women. That includes the damage the curse has done to marriages, families, and the church.

We can choose differently. We can build relationships on mutual honor instead of hierarchy. We can practice true partnership instead of dominance and submission. We can reflect the very nature of God—Trinity in perfect unity, with no one lording authority over the others.

Is it easy? No. Especially not if you've been steeped in complementarian teaching your whole life.

But it's possible. And it's worth it.

Because when we step out of the curse and into God's Kingdom design, we discover something beautiful: Mutual submission doesn't create chaos. It creates life.

It creates marriages where both partners flourish. Families where children see love modeled rather than power wielded. Churches where gifts are celebrated rather than restricted by gender.

This is what we're invited into. Not a reversal of the curse, but a redemption of it.

Not a new hierarchy with women on top, but a completely different way of being human—the way Jesus modeled for us.

The curse is real. But it doesn't have to be permanent.

In Christ, we're free.

Blessings,
Susan 😊

Have you seen the curse play out in relationships around you? Or have you experienced the freedom of Kingdom relationships? Share your story in the comments.‍ ‍