The Day I Realized I'd Been Reading Paul Wrong My Whole Life
When everything you thought you knew about Scripture suddenly shifts
For twenty years, I served in a large marriage ministry devoted to traditional teaching on submission and headship. I taught other women how to submit to their husbands' authority. I believed with all my heart that this was God's design, even as I lived it out in a home where I was often pressured through emotional or physical intimidation to do my husband's will.
You know what it's like when you live in a home like that—you and your children are constantly walking on eggshells, praying one of them doesn't crack and make him mad.
But I kept teaching submission. I kept believing that if I could just submit better, love better, serve better, my marriage would transform. After all, wasn't that what Scripture clearly taught?
Then came the day that changed everything.
The Pattern I Couldn't Unsee
I was studying Paul's letters again, as I had countless times before. But this time, something jumped out at me that I'd never noticed: every single time Paul instructed wives to submit to their husbands, he placed those instructions right alongside instructions for slaves to submit to their masters.
Ephesians 5:22 and 6:5. Colossians 3:18 and 3:22. The pattern was undeniable.
I stared at my Bible, my heart racing. If we now understood that Paul wasn't endorsing slavery for all time—that he was working within broken systems while planting seeds of transformation—could the same be true for his instructions about wives?
Had I been missing the point entirely?
The Blind Spot Revealed
As I dug deeper, the pieces began falling into place. Paul always placed instructions about wives submitting alongside instructions about slaves submitting—often in the same breath. He wasn't endorsing these power structures; he was showing believers how to operate within broken systems while releasing Kingdom transformation into them.
Just as we now understand that Paul's words to slaves weren't a divine endorsement of slavery, we must recognize that his words about wives weren't a divine endorsement of male domination either.
Think about it: In the cultural context of Paul's day, women had little choice but to submit to their husbands under Roman and Jewish law. They were already submitting—they had no choice. So why would Paul need to command what was already culturally mandated and legally enforced?
He wasn't commanding submission. He was transforming it.
What Paul Was Really Doing
When I looked closer at the Greek text, I discovered something even more revolutionary. In Ephesians 5:22, the word "submit" isn't even in the original text—it's borrowed from verse 21 where Paul commands everyone to "submit to one another."
Paul was placing wives' submission within the radical new context of mutual submission. He was saying, "Yes, you live in a culture where wives must submit to husbands, but here's how Kingdom people do it differently—through mutual submission and sacrificial love."
Paul was teaching women—and slaves!—how to rise up out of obligation (where they had no choice) and enter into the realm of operating in their own power with their own free will.
The Revolutionary Message Hidden in Plain Sight
This realization rocked my theological world. We'd been filtering Paul's words through our flawed perceptions, opting for the world's dominance-based hierarchies rather than Jesus' revolutionary model of power through love. We essentially missed the whole point. We erased the original message of how to take dominion of the world through love—not force, through submission and strength.
The same Paul who wrote "there is neither male nor female" in Galatians 3:28 wasn't contradicting himself in Ephesians 5. He was showing how the radical equality of the Kingdom works itself out even within oppressive cultural structures.
Wrestling with Sacred Cows
I'll be honest—this discovery was terrifying at first. It meant questioning interpretations I'd held for decades. It meant admitting I might have been wrong about something so fundamental. It meant facing the possibility that I'd been teaching other women to accept something that wasn't God's heart at all.
But as I continued studying, seeking God's heart through prayer and wrestling with the text, a beautiful picture emerged. Scripture's trajectory is consistently toward freedom, equality, and mutual honor. From Genesis (where male and female together bear God's image) to Revelation (where people from every tribe and tongue stand as equals before the throne), God's heart is clear.
The problem wasn't with Paul's teaching—it was with centuries of interpretation that emphasized the cultural accommodation while missing the Kingdom transformation.
The Historical Pattern
This isn't the first time the church has had to reconsider long-held interpretations. The church once used the Bible to defend slavery, racial segregation, and the restriction of women's rights in society. Most Christians now recognize these positions were misapplications of Scripture influenced by cultural biases.
As historical theologian Dr. Kevin Giles explains: "As Christianity spread throughout the Roman Empire and beyond, it increasingly adopted the hierarchical patterns of Greco-Roman household codes rather than maintaining the revolutionary equality of the earliest Christian communities."
The world transformed the church rather than the other way around.
Finding Freedom in Truth
What I discovered was liberating rather than threatening—a vision of marriage more beautiful, more Christ-like, and more reflective of God's heart than I'd previously imagined. I discovered that the truth truly does set us free.
When I finally understood that Paul was working subversively within patriarchal structures to plant seeds of Kingdom equality, everything made sense. The same apostle who recognized women as co-workers, deacons, and even apostles wasn't suddenly turning around to say women are inherently inferior or designed for subordination.
He was showing them—and us—how to live as Kingdom people even within broken systems.
The Invitation to Fresh Eyes
If you've been taught male headship your entire life, these ideas might feel threatening. They might seem to undermine everything you've understood about God's design for marriage and gender. I understand that struggle—I lived it.
But I encourage you to do what I did:
Study Scripture with fresh eyes, setting aside familiar interpretations
Consider the cultural context in which these passages were written
Pay attention to the overall trajectory of Scripture toward freedom and equality
Observe which interpretations produce the fruit of the Spirit in real relationships
The God who promises to guide us into all truth (John 16:13) is faithful. If we seek understanding with humble hearts, He will reveal His design for relationships characterized by mutual honor, mutual submission, and mutual love.
The Beautiful Truth
Here's what I've learned: mutual submission isn't a contradiction of Scripture—it's the fulfillment of Scripture. It's not a modern invention we're forcing onto an ancient text—it's the recovery of the Bible's original vision that was obscured by centuries of patriarchal interpretation.
The radical equality of the earliest Christian communities was unprecedented in the ancient world. If anything, later patriarchal interpretations represented conformity to surrounding cultures rather than fidelity to Scripture's original intent.
Jesus consistently elevated women's dignity against cultural norms. Paul recognized women as co-workers, deacons, and even apostles. The early church included women in leadership roles until the institutionalization of Christianity led to increased alignment with Roman patriarchal structures.
We haven't been reading Paul wrong because we're conforming to modern culture. We've been reading him wrong because we conformed to ancient patriarchal culture and forgot the radical nature of the Kingdom Jesus established.
The day I realized this changed everything. Not just my theology, but my life, my marriage, and my understanding of God's heart for relationships.
That's the kind of freedom truth brings. And it's available to anyone willing to read Scripture with fresh eyes and an open heart.
Blessings,
Susan 😊