The Power Feminism Can't Give You

I'm going to say something that might surprise you: I believe much of feminism is driven by the wrong kingdom.

Before you close this tab, hear me out.

I'm not against women's rights. I'm not dismissing the very real gains that the feminist movement has achieved. I'm deeply grateful that women can vote, own property, earn wages, pursue education, and leave abusive marriages. These are good and necessary freedoms.

But here's what I've observed: When the solution to male dominance is simply to assert female dominance instead, we haven't actually solved the problem. We've just reversed the power dynamic. We're still playing the same game—just with different people on top.

And that's not God's Kingdom.

The Seesaw Effect

Picture a seesaw. For thousands of years, men have been on top and women have been on the bottom. The weight of cultural, legal, and religious power has pressed down on women while lifting men up.

Feminism rightly said, "This isn't fair. This isn't right. We need to change this."

But too often, the solution has been to jump to the other side of the seesaw. Now women assert their power, their independence, their right to be on top. The message becomes: "I don't need a man. I can do everything myself. In fact, men are the problem."

The seesaw tips the other way.

And men, feeling displaced and powerless, push back. The seesaw tips again.

Back and forth. Back and forth. An endless cycle of power struggle.

This is not freedom. This is not the Kingdom. This is just a different version of the same broken system.

When "I Don't Need You" Becomes the Message

I spend time on social media, and I see countless videos—particularly in the African-American community, but across all demographics—where the message is clear: "I don't need a man."

Strong. Independent. Self-sufficient.

And on one level, I get it. These are often women who have been hurt, used, abandoned, or controlled by men. They've decided they're done being vulnerable to that kind of pain.

But here's what happens: When you build your identity around not needing relationship—around self-sufficiency and independence as the ultimate goal—you've adopted the values of the wrong kingdom.

God's Kingdom isn't about independence. It's about interdependence. It's about "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18, NASB). It's about two becoming one. It's about partnership, not isolation.

When we make independence our goal, we've actually embraced the very thing the enemy wants: disconnection, isolation, self-reliance instead of God-reliance and community.

The Men Who Feel Displaced

Now let me speak to the other side of this issue.

There are a lot of men right now who feel genuinely displaced. They've been taught their whole lives that they should be providers, protectors, leaders—that their masculinity is defined by being strong, being in charge, being needed.

And now? The message from culture is often: "We don't need you. You're toxic. Your masculinity is a problem."

That hurts. It creates real pain and confusion.

I've watched videos from people like Jordan Peterson, who's giving voice to these men. And while I don't agree with everything he says, I appreciate that he's at least acknowledging the pain instead of dismissing it.

But here's what I want these men to hear: If equality for women makes you feel like you're losing power, you need to examine whether you should have had that power to begin with.

The Parallel to Race

Let me draw a parallel that might make some people uncomfortable.

When Black people speak up about racism and injustice, often the response from white people is: "Why are you so angry? Why are you making us feel uncomfortable? Look how far you've come! Why can't you just be grateful?"

Do you see the problem?

The group that has held power doesn't want to acknowledge that they still have advantages. They feel threatened by the idea that they might need to give up some of their privilege. They frame the other group's pursuit of equality as an attack.

The same dynamic plays out with gender.

When men say, "Women are taking over" or "I feel displaced" or "Feminism has gone too far," what they're often really saying is: "I'm uncomfortable with having to share power equally."

Friends, we're still making 70 cents on the dollar. We're still underrepresented in leadership. We're still fighting battles that should have been won generations ago.

If women gaining basic equality feels threatening to you as a man, that's not a problem with feminism. That's a problem with your understanding of power.

Where Both Sides Get It Wrong

Here's the truth: Both male dominance and female assertion are operating in the wrong kingdom when they're rooted in power struggle.

The kingdom of this world says: "There's only so much power to go around. If you have more, I have less. So I need to fight for my share. I need to protect what's mine. I need to make sure I'm not taken advantage of."

God's Kingdom says something completely different: "Power multiplies when it's shared. When I lay down my life for you, I don't lose—I gain. When I use my strength to lift you up, we both rise. When we operate in mutual submission, we release something far more powerful than dominance ever created."

The kingdom of this world is a zero-sum game. God's Kingdom is exponential.

True Strength Doesn't Need to Control

Let me tell you what I've learned from my husband Gregory.

The surrender of his power for my good has not diminished him. It has increased him. It has made him more of who he truly is. His authentic identity has emerged in that surrender.

He's lost his life, and he has found it.

Gregory is strong. He's confident. He's capable. But his strength isn't threatened by my strength. My success doesn't hurt his pride because he's not deriving his identity from being "above" me or "in charge of" me.

We are one. His success is my success. My success is his success.

This is only possible because neither of us is grasping for power. Neither of us is trying to assert dominance or maintain control. We're both focused on lifting each other up.

And the result? We're both more powerful than we would be separately. We're both more ourselves. We're both more free.

The Cross Is Still the Answer

For men who feel displaced: The answer isn't to reassert your dominance. The answer is the cross.

Lay down your life. Use whatever strength, privilege, or power you have to lift others up. Recognize that the systemic structures still favor you in many ways, and choose to use that advantage to empower rather than control.

You won't lose yourself in this process. You'll find yourself.

For women who are fighting for equality: The answer isn't to become just like the men who dominated you. The answer is still the cross.

Don't grasp for power. Don't build walls of independence. Don't make the same mistake men made by thinking strength means control.

Instead, pursue genuine partnership. Pursue mutual submission. Pursue interdependence rather than independence.

Make Your Bed First

Jordan Peterson often tells young men: "Stop focusing on your resentment. Stop blaming women, or your parents, or society. Start with yourself. Clean your room. Make your bed. Get your own life in order."

This is actually profound wisdom.

Blame is just an ineffective discharge of pain. It doesn't make the pain go away—it just creates a cycle where you constantly need someone to blame for your suffering.

Whether you're a man blaming women for your sense of displacement, or a woman blaming men for the patriarchy, or anyone blaming anyone for the mess we're in—blame doesn't heal anything.

What heals is taking responsibility for yourself. Doing the inner work. Getting whole. Dealing with your own brokenness instead of demanding that the world fix itself before you can be healthy.

When you're a broken vessel, power just seeps out. It doesn't stay contained in a healthy way. You try to wield power, but because you're broken, it comes out as control, manipulation, or assertion of dominance.

But when you're whole? When you've done the inner work? Then you can hold Kingdom power in the way God designed. You can be strong without being controlling. You can be powerful without being dominating. You can lead without demanding to be in charge.

Beyond the Power Struggle

Here's what I long to see: A church, a culture, a world where we stop playing power games altogether.

Where men don't feel threatened by powerful women because their identity isn't rooted in being "above" anyone.

Where women don't feel they have to choose between relationship and autonomy because they've discovered that true partnership doesn't require sacrificing either.

Where both genders celebrate each other's strengths instead of competing for position.

Where power flows in all directions, building up rather than tearing down.

Where we recognize that we're not enemies but partners—partners in the great work of releasing heaven into earth.

The Question We Should Be Asking

Instead of "Who has the power?" we should be asking "How can we empower each other?"

Instead of "How do I protect my position?" we should be asking "How do I use my privilege to lift others up?"

Instead of "What do I have to lose?" we should be asking "What could we gain together?"

This is the Kingdom mindset. This is the way of the cross.

And it's available to all of us—men and women, every race and ethnicity, every class and background.

But it requires us to stop playing the power game. It requires us to step off the seesaw entirely.

It requires us to lay down our lives—our rights, our positions, our need to be in control—and trust that in losing our lives, we'll find them.

The Invitation

If you're a woman who's been hurt by male dominance, I'm not asking you to pretend everything is fine. I'm not asking you to go back to a system that oppressed you.

I'm inviting you forward into something better than either dominance or reaction. I'm inviting you into partnership, mutual submission, and genuine equality.

If you're a man who feels displaced and threatened, I'm not dismissing your pain. I'm not telling you to just accept being vilified.

I'm inviting you into a different kind of strength—the kind Jesus modeled. The kind that empowers rather than controls. The kind that finds its identity in laying down life, not grasping for power.

Both of you: The cross is the answer. Not power assertion. Not independence. Not dominance in either direction.

The cross. Self-giving love. Mutual submission.

This is the way of God's Kingdom.

And it's the only way that actually sets us free.

Blessings,
Susan 😊

How have you seen power struggles play out in your relationships or community? What would it look like to step off the seesaw entirely? Share your thoughts below.‍ ‍