When the Institution Matters More Than the Individual
"The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" (Mark 2:27, NKJV).
When Jesus spoke these words to the religious leaders of His day, He was confronting a fundamental perversion that had crept into their understanding of God's design. They had taken something God created for human flourishing and turned it into a burden that crushed the very people it was meant to bless.
Today, I believe we're witnessing the same perversion in many of our churches, and particularly in how we approach marriage and family relationships. We've become so focused on preserving institutions that we've lost sight of the people those institutions were created to serve.
This institutional idolatry doesn't just harm individuals—it actually undermines the very institutions we're trying to protect. When we prioritize appearances over reality, when we value compliance over genuine transformation, when we silence the wounded to maintain our systems, we're not building God's Kingdom. We're building something that looks spiritual on the outside but is rotting from within.
The Assembly Line Mentality
Religion, like many human systems, tends toward industrialization. We want predictable processes, manageable outcomes, and controllable variables. When someone's pain or problems disrupt the smooth operation of our systems, the instinct is often to medicate the disruptive person rather than address the underlying issues causing their distress.
This assembly line mentality shows up in how we handle relationship problems within the church:
The Magic Pill Response: When someone reports abuse, neglect, or serious relationship dysfunction, they're often given quick spiritual formulas: "Just submit more." "Love him better." "Pray harder." "Have more faith." The goal isn't genuine healing—it's getting people back in line so the system can keep running smoothly.
The Squeaky Wheel Strategy: The person experiencing pain becomes the problem to be solved rather than the symptom pointing to a deeper issue. Instead of asking why someone is hurting, we ask how to make them stop "causing trouble."
The Compliance Culture: Success is measured by how well people conform to expected behaviors rather than by whether they're actually experiencing the life, freedom, and flourishing that God intends for His children.
This approach treats people like cogs in a machine rather than image-bearers of God with inherent dignity and worth.
Covering Violence with a Garment
In Malachi 2:16, God condemns those who "cover violence with a garment" (NKJV). This phrase describes the practice of using something beautiful—like marriage or religious obligation—to hide something ugly—like abuse, manipulation, or control.
Churches often participate in this covering in subtle but damaging ways:
Prioritizing Reputation Over Reality: When abuse or dysfunction is reported within church families or leadership, the first concern is often how it will affect the church's reputation rather than how to protect the vulnerable and address the harmful behavior.
Spiritual Gaslighting: Victims who speak up about harmful treatment are often told they're being "divisive," "rebellious," or "lacking in faith." Their experiences are reframed as spiritual deficiencies rather than legitimate concerns.
False Unity: There's often pressure to maintain the appearance of harmony even when real harmony doesn't exist. People are asked to "keep the peace" by tolerating harmful behavior rather than addressing it biblically.
Selective Scripture Application: Verses about submission, forgiveness, and endurance are emphasized for victims, while verses about accountability, justice, and protecting the vulnerable are ignored when it comes to addressing perpetrators.
The Fear of Loss of Control
At the root of institutional idolatry is fear—specifically, the fear of losing control. Religious systems, like all human systems, tend to gravitate toward predictability and manageability. When people start thinking for themselves, asking difficult questions, or refusing to play their assigned roles, it threatens the system's sense of stability.
This fear manifests in several ways:
Authoritarian Leadership: Instead of servant leadership that empowers others, we see controlling leadership that demands compliance and discourages questions or dissent.
Rigid Role Expectations: Rather than allowing people to develop their God-given gifts and callings, there are strict expectations about who can do what based on gender, position, or other arbitrary factors.
Information Control: Difficult topics are avoided, alternative perspectives are discouraged, and people are kept from accessing information that might lead them to different conclusions.
Consequence Threats: Those who step out of line face social consequences, loss of community, or spiritual manipulation designed to bring them back into compliance.
When Marriage Becomes an Idol
Perhaps nowhere is institutional idolatry more dangerous than in how we approach marriage. When preserving the institution of marriage becomes more important than the wellbeing of the people within marriages, we've created an idol that demands human sacrifice.
This shows up when:
Abuse is minimized or ignored because divorce would "break up the family" or "hurt the church's testimony."
Victims are counseled to endure harmful treatment rather than abusers being held accountable for changing their behavior.
The appearance of intact families is valued more than the reality of healthy family dynamics.
Children are kept in harmful environments because maintaining the two-parent structure is considered more important than their emotional and psychological safety.
Women are told they must submit to treatment that diminishes their dignity, silences their voice, or prevents them from using their gifts, because that's supposedly God's design for marriage.
This isn't protecting marriage—it's perverting it. Marriage was designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church, which is characterized by sacrificial love, mutual honor, and life-giving partnership. When marriage becomes a cover for dominance, control, and abuse, it's no longer reflecting God's heart at all.
The Kingdom of Darkness in Religious Clothing
When institutions become more important than individuals, we're not unleashing God's Kingdom—we're unleashing the kingdom of darkness disguised in religious clothing. The enemy's strategy has always been to take God's good gifts and twist them into tools of oppression.
This happens when:
Power is used to control rather than serve. Instead of authority being exercised to lift up and empower others, it's used to maintain dominance and control.
Truth is used as a weapon rather than a gift. Scripture is twisted to justify harmful behavior or to silence those who speak up about injustice.
Love is redefined as compliance. People are told that true love means accepting mistreatment without boundaries or consequences.
Spirituality is measured by endurance of harm rather than by the fruit of the Spirit being produced in people's lives.
Peace is defined as the absence of conflict rather than the presence of justice, safety, and mutual flourishing.
When we operate from these twisted definitions, we're not building the Kingdom Jesus described. We're building something that looks spiritual but produces the opposite of what God intends for His people.
The True Purpose of Institutions
God created institutions like marriage, family, and the church to serve human flourishing, not to become ends in themselves. When these institutions are healthy, they become vehicles through which God's love, grace, and transformation flow into the world.
But when institutions become corrupt—when they prioritize their own preservation over their original purpose—they become obstacles to the very things they were designed to promote.
Healthy marriage creates an environment where both people can become more fully themselves while learning to love sacrificially. Unhealthy marriage suppresses one or both people and creates cycles of dysfunction that get passed on to children.
Healthy church equips people to know God intimately and serve Him effectively while providing community, support, and accountability. Unhealthy church creates dependency, discourages questions, and produces people who are religious but not transformed.
Healthy family provides safety, nurture, and preparation for life while teaching children what love, respect, and healthy relationships look like. Unhealthy family produces trauma, dysfunction, and poor relational templates that affect generations.
Creating Shame and Guilt Cultures
When institutions become more important than individuals, they inevitably create cultures of shame and guilt rather than cultures of grace and transformation. People begin to believe lies like:
"I must be the problem because the system can't be wrong."
"If I were more spiritual, I wouldn't be struggling with this."
"I need to try harder to make this work, even if it's destroying me."
"Speaking up about problems makes me divisive and unspiritual."
"My pain doesn't matter as much as maintaining appearances."
These lies keep people trapped in harmful situations while protecting systems that should be challenged or changed. They prevent genuine transformation by focusing all the responsibility on victims rather than addressing root causes of dysfunction.
The Better Way: People Over Systems
Jesus consistently demonstrated that people matter more than systems. He healed on the Sabbath despite religious rules. He ate with tax collectors and sinners despite social conventions. He elevated women despite cultural norms. He challenged religious leaders despite their authority.
In every case, Jesus prioritized human flourishing over institutional comfort. He was willing to disrupt systems that weren't serving their intended purpose, even when it made Him appear revolutionary or dangerous.
This doesn't mean Jesus was anti-institution. He participated in religious and social institutions when they were functioning properly. But He refused to sacrifice human wellbeing on the altar of institutional preservation.
What This Looks Like Practically
When we prioritize people over institutions, several things change:
We ask different questions. Instead of "How do we maintain this system?" we ask "How do we help people flourish?" Instead of "What will people think?" we ask "What does God's heart look like in this situation?"
We measure success differently. Instead of focusing on compliance, attendance, or the absence of problems, we look for the fruit of the Spirit being produced in people's lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV).
We respond to pain differently. Instead of trying to silence or fix people who are hurting, we listen, validate their experiences, and work to address the root causes of their pain.
We handle conflict differently. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations or pressuring people to "keep the peace," we create safe spaces for honest dialogue and biblical conflict resolution.
We approach authority differently. Leaders serve rather than lord over others. Power is used to empower others rather than to control them. Authority is earned through character and service rather than demanded through position or title.
The Cost of Getting This Wrong
When we prioritize institutions over individuals, the cost is enormous:
Spiritual abuse flourishes because systems protect themselves rather than the vulnerable people within them.
God's reputation is damaged because unhealthy institutions claiming to represent Him actually misrepresent His character.
People are wounded and carry those wounds into their relationships with God, others, and themselves.
Children learn dysfunction and carry it into the next generation, perpetuating cycles of harm.
The Gospel is distorted from good news about freedom and transformation into a system of rules and obligations.
The church loses credibility with a watching world that sees the gap between what we say and how we actually treat people.
Hope for Transformation
The beautiful truth is that institutions can be redeemed when we return them to their original purpose: serving human flourishing rather than demanding human sacrifice.
This transformation begins when we:
Acknowledge the problem. We must honestly confront the ways we've prioritized systems over people and be willing to repent of institutional idolatry.
Return to Scripture. We must read the Bible through the lens of God's heart for human flourishing rather than through the lens of maintaining human systems.
Listen to the wounded. Those who have been harmed by unhealthy institutions often have the clearest vision of what needs to change.
Embrace Holy Spirit's guidance. Instead of relying on human wisdom and control, we must learn to partner with God in creating communities that reflect His heart.
Measure by different standards. Success should be measured by whether people are becoming more like Jesus, not by whether they're complying with human expectations.
A Personal Testimony
In my own journey, I've experienced both sides of this equation. I spent years in religious environments that prioritized institutional preservation over individual wellbeing. I was taught to endure harmful treatment in the name of honoring God and preserving marriage. I watched as people in pain were silenced or medicated rather than heard and helped.
But I've also experienced the freedom that comes when institutions actually serve their intended purpose. In my current marriage with Gregory, I've discovered what it looks like when marriage functions as God intended—as a partnership that empowers both people to become more fully themselves while learning to love sacrificially.
In healthy church communities, I've seen what happens when people's wellbeing is prioritized over institutional comfort. I've witnessed transformation, healing, and genuine spiritual growth in environments where questions are welcomed, pain is acknowledged, and people are empowered to use their gifts.
The difference is night and day. One approach produces death masquerading as spirituality. The other produces life that bears genuine spiritual fruit.
The Choice Before Us
We stand at a crossroads in the church today. We can continue prioritizing institutional preservation over human flourishing, creating religious systems that look spiritual but produce dysfunction. Or we can return to Jesus's revolutionary approach of putting people first, trusting that when we serve human flourishing, healthy institutions will naturally emerge.
This isn't about abandoning structure or embracing chaos. It's about ensuring that our structures serve their intended purpose rather than becoming ends in themselves.
It's about remembering that the Sabbath was made for humanity, not the other way around. Marriage was made for human flourishing, not human sacrifice. The church was made to be a healing community, not a controlling institution.
When we get this right, something beautiful happens: we begin to see God's Kingdom unleashed in ways that transform not just individuals, but entire communities and cultures. We see institutions that actually reflect God's heart, relationships that demonstrate His love, and communities where people can experience the life, freedom, and transformation He always intended.
This is the hope we can offer to a world wounded by institutional abuse and control. This is what happens when we choose the tree of life over the tree of knowledge, when we prioritize love over law, when we remember that people are always more important than systems.
The institutions will be fine—in fact, they'll be better than fine. When they're serving their intended purpose rather than demanding inappropriate sacrifice, they become vehicles through which God's Kingdom is unleashed rather than obstacles that prevent it.
But first, we must have the courage to say what Jesus said: the system was made for people, not people for the system. And we must be willing to act on that conviction, even when it makes us appear revolutionary to those who have forgotten what institutions are actually for.
If you've been wounded by institutional abuse or have experienced religious trauma, please know that healing is possible. God's heart is for your flourishing, not your sacrifice to broken systems. Professional counseling and supportive communities can be valuable resources in your healing journey.
Blessings,
Susan 😊